In recent times I’ve been studying the emotion of anger extensively, partly through my own experiences and partly through stuff I’ve been reading. Here are a few key things I’ve learned about anger.

1) Like any other emotion, anger is an emotion that can be controlled. It is normal to feel anger, but to continue feeling or not feeling anger is a choice.

2) When we react from a place of anger we are avoiding responsibility. By saying “I did this or that because I was angry”, we are really saying “It’s not my fault, it was my anger which made me do it.” (as if the anger was some malware that somehow crept into our system and manipulated our reaction!)

3) Anger is a very useful emotion and it can be fabricated at will. It helps serve a deeper but subconscious need, for example if I have a deep subconscious need to dominate my wife then my mind will find a way to fabricate anger in me to serve that need.

4) Anger itself is a tragic expression of unmet needs. Unlike animals, we human beings have the wonderful ability to use the power of language and communicate what we need from other people. We fail to take responsibility for our ineffective communication and we fail to effectively request what we need and anger tragically replaces communication that comes from a place of love, kindness, empathy and compassion.

5) Often our needs conflict with those of others and we don’t get what we requested. Instead of finding a way to make peace with what is, we experience anger. Anger becomes a means to punish others for our unmet needs. Which is weird, “You didn’t give me what I need, so let me drink this poison called anger and suffer!”