So my daughter’s coach (an Australian lady who’s 77) told my daughter (who is 13).. “Tell your parents why you love them..”
My daughter began.. “I love them because…”
“No no.. tell THEM why you love them.. don’t tell ME.”
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Lesson 1: LOVE is a function of communication. Most of us make the mistake of thinking that our actions are good enough to tell people how much we love them.
Love is created IN THE MOMENT OF SPEAKING. You have to explicitly use the words “I love you” or “Love you” to let people in your life know that you love them. (My wife Seema and me do this exchange MULTIPLE times a day.. and it’s been 18 years now.)
Unfortunately we live in a society where we are conditioned to use the ILU words only in a romantic context. Which is why we
struggle to say those words to our bosses, our friends and even our parents. (We can blame Bollywood for that).
And we hide behind “Just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean that I don’t love so and so…”
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Lesson 2: Don’t say I love you when you don’t mean it. Love means UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Unconditional means 100%.. not 99.9999% !
That is why “I love you BUT…” doesn’t work..
Neither does “I love you BECAUSE….”
When you love someone, you don’t need reasons to love them.. you just love them. That way you can love just your mother or your wife or half of humanity.
Lesson 1 I learnt from our daughter’s coach.
Lesson 2 I learnt from our daughter. You know why? Because after her coach corrected her, our daughter looked at my wife and me and said..
“I love you BECAUSE I love you.”
(Not because you buy me Barbie dolls and take me to the mall and stuff like that).
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A last note: Fear and Love are the two most primary human
emotions.
If you are afraid.. say “I am afraid.” Don’t be shy to admit.
And if you love someone.. say “I love you.” Don’t be shy to admit that either.
You know what.. in my humble opinion.. the world could do with more of love and less of fear. And more love will happen only when more people express it more often.