LIFE COACHING is a very serious profession. Every day I deal with people who have productivity challenges, severe relationship problems, major self confidence issues etc etc. After 8 years of being in this profession, coaching day in and day out often drains me out.
To put some life into my sessions I make it a point to lighten up the conversations. Here are some of my favourite interactions from my sessions. And my clients love them! 😃
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1) CLIENT: “I don’t want people to judge me. What do I do?”
ME: “You chose the wrong planet. Next time ask God for a different planet. Yeh planet pe aisaich hota hai.”
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2) CLIENT: “I always think negative. Some people are always thinking positive. I want to be like them.”
ME: “Don’t be crazy. I mean it.. literally. The mind is negative by default. It is wired to think negatively. The so called people who are always thinking positively.. you should admit them into the nearest mental hospital. THEY are the ones who are abnormal. If you are always thinking negative, you are perfectly normal.”
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3) CLIENT: “You are a Life Coach. In the next few months you will motivate me and inspire me, right?”
ME: “Wrong. In the next few months, I will do an eye transplant surgery on you. Through my coaching you will get a new pair of eyes to see the world.”
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4) CLIENT: “How do I shut the inner voice in my head which troubles me so much?”
ME: “You can’t shut it yourself. But when it does shut down, the Electrocardiogram will go BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP… Net net.. make peace with your inner voice, let it be, don’t try and shut it down!”
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5) CLIENT: “Milind, I need a kick in my butt. Tell me some ugly truth about myself.”
ME: “Ugly or not, here’s the truth about us all. We’re inauthentic and we’re inauthentic that we’re not inauthentic. We pretend and we pretend that we don’t pretend. We’re always lying and we’re lying that we’re not lying.”
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6) CLIENT: “When will my problems end?”
ME: “Oh! It’s a matter of time. When you’re 6 feet above or 6 feet below the ground.”
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7) CLIENT: “Milind Sir, I want to generate more time. How to do that?”
ME: “Arrey Baba for that we’ll have to get the Earth to rotate more slowly. Thoda mushkil hai.”
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8) CLIENT: “I’m really mad at my mother. I’m 50 years old and a successful CEO of an IT company. Yet she’s always nagging me and fixing me.”
ME: “You’re not 50 years old, you’re more like 5. At least to your mother. To the world, you’re a super successful CEO, to your mom you’re that little boy with a running nose who always forgot his hanky at home. You will never grow up in your mom’s eyes. NOBODY EVER DOES. That’s her way of loving you. Accept her the way she is. Make peace with her behaviour. Ek hi to Maa hai. When she dies you will miss all this. Plus you stayed 9 months rent free in her womb na. And as you grew up she was the one who washed your bummy. Now it’s payback time my friend. Your love is all you can give her. And that’s all she wants anyway.