In recent times I’ve been studying the emotion of anger extensively, partly through my own experiences and partly through stuff I’ve been reading. Here are a few key things I’ve learned about anger.

1) Like any other emotion, anger is an emotion that can be controlled. It is normal to feel anger, but to continue feeling or not feeling anger is a choice.

2) When we react from a place of anger we are avoiding responsibility. By saying “I did this or that because I was angry”, we are really saying “It’s not my fault, it was my anger which made me do it.” (as if the anger was some malware that somehow crept into our system and manipulated our reaction!)

3) Anger is a very useful emotion and it can be fabricated at will. It helps serve a deeper but subconscious need, for example if I have a deep subconscious need to dominate my wife then my mind will find a way to fabricate anger in me to serve that need.

4) Anger itself is a tragic expression of unmet needs. Unlike animals, we human beings have the wonderful ability to use the power of language and communicate what we need from other people. We fail to take responsibility for our ineffective communication and we fail to effectively request what we need and anger tragically replaces communication that comes from a place of love, kindness, empathy and compassion.

5) Often our needs conflict with those of others and we don’t get what we requested. Instead of finding a way to make peace with what is, we experience anger. Anger becomes a means to punish others for our unmet needs. Which is weird, “You didn’t give me what I need, so let me drink this poison called anger and suffer!”

Monday is a bad day of the week because we say Monday is a bad day of the week. There is no intrinsic reality in it. Our reality gets created through our language.

In reality there are no bad days of the week. There are only days of the week we can deal with well and days of the week we can’t. There are no bad spouses, bad parents, bad siblings or bad managers either. There are only spouses, parents, siblings and managers WE are not able to deal with well.

What else? The list is endless. There are no bad bank balances, bad pasts, bad resumes, bad professions, bad experiences, bad organizations and bad countries. There are no bad people. Everything and everyone that is different from us or is difficult for us to cope with does not automatically become bad.

There are atoms and molecules and we cannot create them. Beyond that everything in this Universe is a creation by you and me. The most fundamental thing society helped us create when we were kids is that there is something good and something bad. It is absurd, outrageous and outright ridiculous. And it is a violent way to live.

We create the world we live in by expressing through our language what is and what isn’t. Have a good day folks!

A few weeks back my 80 year old mother asked me whether there’s a book I could give her to read. I gave her my favourite book “Follow your Heart” by Andrew Matthews.

She finished reading it and said “It’s a good mirror to show us how we live our lives!” My mom is Marathi medium Matric pass (1962) but she’s still a student at heart. The English she learnt in school back then was very basic but she’s picked up over the years.

She understood most of the language in the book and wherever she got stuck she wrote down the words and at the end of the day she used to ask me what the words meant. I was just blown away. Coachability is about mindset, about willingness, about commitment, seriousness, not age.

I often tell my clients, “I know – is what gets you stuck. I don’t know – is a great place to be.. it’s a very high state of being.”

She has now started reading “How Life Works” by the same author. If she decides to do an MBA or something I’ll definitely let you know! 🙂

Last week my daughter Arista passed her Grade 10 IGCSE board exams and got 5 straight A’s. What was amazing was the ease and grace with which she got her success.

Here are a few things we can all learn from Arista’s success irrespective of what age and life context we are in.

1) To succeed in life, we need to let go of the desperation to succeed. Because the more you’re desperate for something, the more you push it away.

2) Success and Failure in life are not absolute. They are relative and more importantly context sensitive. It is not that you succeed but in what conditions and under what context you succeed that matters more.

3) Success and Failure on their own are meaningless. It is how you deal with success or failure that matters more.

When you are successful but you’re complaining that you’re not as successful as someone else, that’s a failure. And when you’ve failed but take full responsibility for it that is success!

4) Everyone has potential to succeed. But it is important to provide a healthy, nurturing environment to a person for him/her to succeed. You cannot expect a high quality seed to blossom into a beautiful plant on an infertile land.

Often when you are not successful, it is important to assess not just the quality of your efforts but also the quality of the environment you are in.

5) I have forgotten how many times I have repeated to Arista the revolutionary advice Jack Ma (founder of the Rs 130000 crores Chinese company Alibaba.com) gave his son.

His advice: “You don’t need to be in the top three in your class, being in the middle is fine, so long as your grades aren’t too bad. Only this kind of person [a middle-of-the-road student] has enough free time to learn other skills.”

Jack Ma himself was not a particularly strong student (he failed his college entrance exam thrice)!

Seema (my wife) and me are happy that all through last year Arista took her studies seriously and with responsibility but did not get obsessed with being the best and stayed out of the rat race.

Congrats and well done Arista. Heartfelt acknowledgement to Seema for standing by her emotionally throughout the journey. A big thank you to Arista’s school DLRC for their guidance and support!

Met two of my close clients from Mumbai, Prasanna and Archana today.. they had dropped in to Pune. When I first coached them in 2018 they were based in Riyadh. I had subsequently coached their son Atharva who was working in New York then.

I have coached many couples/ family members in my coaching career, but this trio is the only one I had coached CONCURRENTLY, meaning the coaching sessions for all three were going on simultaneously at different times of the week. In all other cases, it has always been sequential.

Today the three of us had some deep heart to heart conversations and it would be an injustice to not share an unforgettable incident from their coaching (I shared it with them too today).

Sometime during my coaching with them, in one particular week, their son Atharva had come down to Mumbai and there was some fight between the three of them (nothing big.. typical stuff that happens even in your and my homes).

That week I independently had my weekly sessions with all three of them. And in each of the sessions I got to know about that particular fight and guess what.. the way they narrated it.. EACH OF THEM WERE RIGHT FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE.. by the end of the week I had gotten three totally different versions of the same incident.. and ALL OF THEM WERE CORRECT !

I told Archana today that their fight incident being convincingly narrated to me in three different ways always reminds me of one of the greatest Japanese movies of all time the Oscar award winning movie “Rashomon”, directed in 1950 by the legendary Japanese filmmaker Akira Kurosawa.

In Rashomon, four different eyewitnesses provide contradictory accounts of a samurai’s murder, despite all having witnessed the same crime firsthand. The film has also spawned what is known in legal, psychological, and philosophical circles as “The Rashomon effect” to describe multiple witnesses or participants providing plausible but contradictory stories about the same event.

What happened in the Bhandarkar household that day (and happens in yours and mine every other day) is “The Rashomon Effect”. Archana got goosebumps when I told her this. You will too when you watch Rashomon and relate it to your life!

Started my Monday with an intense 5:45am call. The lady I was coaching is recently divorced and is struggling to find a partner who can fill the companionship void.

“I’m tired of dating guys Milind. Whoever I’ve met so far, they’re no good.
Why does my mind crave for a companion? Why can’t I just focus on work work work, on growing my business and on parenting my two daughters well?”

“Do you get Thalis in Sydney?”, I asked her. You see, food is always on my mind, even when I’m coaching.
“Yes of course.. chapatis, rice, 3-4 sabjis, sweet, papad, woh wali right?”, she asked.

“Yes”, I said. “Suppose you point out to the waiter that the gulabjamun is missing from your Thali and he says, Madam we’ll give you extra paneer to compensate for it, will you accept that?”

“Of course not Milind. The paneer can’t do the job of the gulab jamun no?”, she laughed.

I added, “Yup. And the gulab jamun can’t do the job of the paneer. And the chapati can’t do the job of the papad. And the buttermilk can’t do the job of the pickle.

And your business can’t do for you what a companion can.
You don’t hear someone say “I have a job now so I don’t need to get married. I have a spouse now so I don’t need a bestie anymore.”

It’s absurd na? What’s the connection?
Your work, your marriage, your friendships, your social connections.. they are all separate compartments.

You see every person comes into your life to fulfil a certain need.
That’s why you need a husband/ life partner (if you choose a live in relationship) AND you need work colleagues AND you need friends AND you need close relatives.
You will play a different role for each of these people and each of these people will play a different role in your life.

And the sum total of all your meaningful relationships will create the Thali of your life.
Create an interesting, fulfilling Thali and then have it guilt-free. Your Thali. Your life. Your choices.

Don’t make your already chotisi life boring by eating curd rice thrice a day!
I’m enjoying the lovely Thali of my life like never before.  It’s time you enjoy yours!
P.S. In the pic is the famous Purohit’s Thali of Nasik, my native place.

I am feeling so good about my weight loss journey today that I want to put down some tips that worked for me. (I’ve lost 26 kgs over the years and I’ve maintained it. See my before after pic in the About page).

Here we go:
1. BE CLEAR WHY YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT
The more emotional the reason the stronger will be your willpower. Like your love life and your personal relationships, your weight loss reason too needs to make sense only to you. Nobody else should have a say in that WHY.

For example:
a) I don’t want to be a burden on my family in my old age
b) I want to be able to fit into that favourite Tshirt which I can no longer wear
c) I want to look attractive in my selfies
d) It will be so nice when people tell me I look slimmer and I’ve lost weight.
e) I want to look 5 to 10 years younger than what I actually am.
f) I want a better sex life
g) When I go trekking I want to enjoy the trek, it shouldn’t feel like a pain.
h) I want to be seen as an active, dynamic, dashing personality.
You see what I mean?

2. TAKE HELP
You need to be a superman/ woman if you think you can do weight loss alone.
Go for walks with your friend, ask your spouse to monitor your diet, be part of your society’s fitness group, join a gym, hire a personal trainer, consult a dietician, get a buddy who cares for you and will keep an eye on your progress.

3. BE PATIENT
The body always remembers your maximum weight and tries to go back to that point. (Mine is 128kg). You will always be taking 3 steps forward and 1 step backward.
Every now and then there will be an ankle pain, a small or big illness or a birthday party binge which will cause an emotional breakdown and slow you down.
You put on 20 kgs over 8 years and now you want to lose it in 5 months? Come on, be practical. I aim for ONE kg weight loss every month and sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail (and I’ve lost 24 kgs so far). That’s how slow it will be.

4. YOUR BODY IS PERFECT RIGHT NOW
If someone is bodyshaming you, ignore them or stay away from them. People who really love you will love you even if you are twice your current weight.
When you are overweight it’s a good time to screen who really loves you the way you are and who only loves an ideal version of you.

Hope this helps. Lots of love to you!

Today I paid the 2nd term school fees of my daughter Arista – Rs 56000. I was extremely happy writing the cheque and giving it to the school office.

But till a few years back my relationship with money was very different. I was very happy RECEIVING money but used to be very sad GIVING it away.

It all changed when I started seeing money as energy rather than money merely as currency. I realized that money is the kind of energy which brings life wherever it goes.

I learned a lot about this from my wife Seema. I remember how once in Chennai, an auto driver overcharged her and instead of getting upset she gave him the full amount with a thought in her mind, “May these two hundred rupees bring happiness, good health and peace to this man and his family. May this money help him purchase whatever he needs today. As long as these notes are in circulation, may every person who touches them be blessed with all the good things money can buy.”

I have often been told that I don’t have money stickiness.. meaning money comes into my life but doesn’t stick with me.

Despite that feedback I still pray for a life where money COMES into my life in huge quantities and GOES out of my life in huge quantities. I still pray that I am a money river and not a money pond.. a river which adds life to and brings growth to whichever life it touches.

A few moments before I die I want to measure my life by how much I could scatter and not merely by how much I could gather. Honestly I do not know whether this is the right way of living life or not, but for me such a life would be a life well lived.

Lots of love and respect.

Sunday 6:49am.
I was leaving from home to drop Arista for a nature walk organized by her school.

ME: “Arista, your mom told me you’re a bit stressed today. What’s the problem? Tell me. Maybe I can help.”
ARISTA: “It’s the 6th and 8th graders Pappa. They’re going to join us 7th graders for the walk and I’m always worried they will judge me.”

ME: “OK. We have 11 minutes to reach the hill. If you remember what I tell you while we drive you’ll never have to worry about anyone judging you EVER.”

Arista was all ears.

ME: “Have you ever watched a tennis match on TV?”
ARISTA: “Yes.”

ME: “Let’s say Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal are playing on the court, what’s usually around the court?”
ARISTA: “The audience which is in the stands.”

ME: “And in the stands what do they talk about when they watch the match?”
ARISTA: “The players, how they are playing etc.”

ME: “So in the stands people are creating opinions and judgements about the players.. what they did right and wrong, what’s good and not good about the game, how the game should be and should not be.. etc etc.. right?
ARISTA: “Right.”

ME: “And these conversations in the stands.. how much do they impact the scoreboard?”
ARISTA (puzzled): “Nothing at all.”

ME: “Absolutely. And the players on the court.. what do they talk about?”
ARISTA: “They don’t talk. They play.”

ME: “In short, it’s no conversation and all action on the court. And what’s the impact of this on the scoreboard?”
ARISTA: “Complete impact.”

ME: “Now tell me Arista, most people on this planet – take a guess, where do they like to be in their life.. in the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA (laughing): “IN THE STANDS!”

ME: “Why?”
ARISTA: “I don’t know!”

ME: “Is it easier in the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA: “In the stands.”

ME: “Where is the risk higher? In the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA: “On the court.”

ME: “Who grows in life? People who are in the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA: “People who are on the court.”

ME: “Look out of the car. These people who are jogging on a cold Sunday morning.. are they in the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA: “On the court.”

ME: “And people who experiment with their careers and their lives.. are they in the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA: “On the court.”

ME: “People who criticize other people and comment on how they are living their lives..”
ARISTA: “In the stands.”

ME: “Which is the larger majority of people in life.. the ones in the stands or on the court?”
ARISTA: “The ones in the stands.”

ME: “So do you see it is NORMAL for people to be in the stands? And that includes your 6th and 8th grader friends if they are judging you.”
ARISTA: “Yes.”

ME: “Do you realize YOU are also judging your 6th and 8th grader friends? So where are YOU right now?
ARISTA: “In the stands!”

ME: “But do you also want to be like everyone else.. in the stands?”
ARISTA: “No.”

ME: “So where do you want to be for the rest of your life?”
ARISTA: “Like you. On the court.”

ME: “That’s my girl. And are you going to be worried about some schoolmate or in the future some colleague or a mother-in-law judging you?”
ARISTA: “No. I’m not. Because I now know it’s normal for people to be in the stands.. and it’s ok for them to be there. But I choose not to be there.”

————–
A life on the court is an extraordinary life. You see we have ONLY 80 odd years on this planet. Why settle for anything less?

P.S. My invitation: Get onto the court today. Do something which you wouldn’t have ever imagined you would do. Let the hill set you free!

You see a husband who’s irresponsible, but that’s YOUR VIEW, that’s not who he is.
You see a wife who’s stubborn, but that’s YOUR VIEW, that’s not who she is.
You see a boss who’s partial, a neighbour who’s a pest, a friend who’s not trustworthy, a parent who is dominating.. BUT THAT IS YOUR VIEW! That is not how they are.

You can NEVER see people the way they are. It’s impossible. There is a permanent filter fixed in your mind, and you and me see EVERYTHING through that filter, through those lenses.
Once you acknowledge this, a new life opens up. You see people newly and you can create relationships that work for you, instead of relationships where you suffer.
On the other hand, if you are stubborn and insist that your view is THE TRUTH, you limit the life you could live.. and worse still, that’s a fundamental ingredient in the recipe for misery.

This is not rocket science. At times I get the privilege of coaching children of my clients and in 8 years and 5000 hours of coaching I can only conclude that kids get this fundamental principle of life so much more easily.
It’s only the adult ego that stops us from living a blissful life. And that’s why I knock off one zero from my age and live the life of a 5 year old. I invite you to do the same.

Life is short. We hold on to our views and right/wrong attitude and our egos and before we realize it our life has passed by.. a very unfulfilling one.. and it’s time to die.
Wherever you are, whatever your situation, the moment you choose to ‘see’ things from a different perspective than the one you’ve been stubbornly holding onto, is the moment when your life can dramatically change for the better.

I want to request you with folded hands to ask yourself how you are living your life.
I want to invite you to the world of infinite possibilities that exist beyond the limitations imposed by the filters of your mind.

I want your support in creating a happier, more peaceful planet for my children. And for yours.
Lots of love and respect!

1) What you have today, you may not have tomorrow. Take nothing for granted. Especially your freedom. Sudden change is an integral part of life. (THREE days back my 250+ flats apartment complex was a safe zone with zero cases throughout 2020. As of one hour back it is a micro containment zone.)

2) The only thing that can prevent Mr. Covid from entering your house is your personal integrity. i.e. your commitment to honouring the promises you’ve made to yourself and the agreements you have with the world around you. (Wearing masks, keeping social distancing, sanitizing yourself are right on top of that list of agreements.) The Chalta Hai attitude is an asymptomatic disease which will sooner or later ruin you in life. (Telling you from personal experience).

3) What you thought you really need to be happy are just some nice to have comforts. Happiness is a state of mind. It is not dependent on pop corn, pizza or a movie in a multiplex.

4) You don’t have a relationship problem, a financial problem, a productivity problem or a career problem BECAUSE of a lockdown or working from home. These problems already existed. Covid has just exposed you, brought these problems to the surface and forced you to confront them. It’s time to dig deep and reflect on how you are living your life. And stop blaming Covid for everything.

5) Nothing matters in this world more than people and love. We have got so lost in a world of technology and gadgets that it has taken a virus to wake us up and show us what’s really important. If you love people it is a good idea to tell this to them when they are alive and not after they are dead.

6) Everything is fine if you focus on staying in the present. Deal with today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. (My neighbours and friends from Magnolia Society – this one is most important for us.)

7) 2020 is not something to be deleted from your calendar. It is a memorable year to be cherished. It is that year about which you can tell stories to your grandchildren and say, “You know what? I lived through this. The virus and its effects actually made me stronger, wiser and better. Isn’t that cool?”

#HappyTeachersDay

You are not the perfect child.
You are not the perfect spouse.
You are not the perfect sibling.
You are not the perfect parent.
You are not the perfect friend.
And you are definitely not the perfect professional.

You are getting stressed because you are trying to be perfect. Your mother says, “You’re not taking care of me” and you get upset. Your spouse says “You don’t love me enough” and that angers you. Your boss says “What kind of shoddy report have you prepared?” and that sends you over the edge.

I often tell my clients, “You are a human being, not an iPhone.” An iPhone usually doesn’t screw up. YOU DO. You always will. You were designed for screw-ups. Steve Jobs didn’t create you. God did. We often refer to God as HE and tell me, which male creation has ever been perfect? Other than an iPhone maybe? And even an iPhone gets heated up for no reason.

iPhones don’t screw up because they follow instructions. And nothing more. They don’t have a brain of their own. They can’t screw up even if they want to. How dumb!
Take a chill pill. Don’t get so worked up when people call you names, when people criticize you. Just do your best. Some things will work out in your favour. And sometimes there will be disasters.

This is how life on Planet Earth will always be. It’s so unfair you didn’t get a rehearsal before you were born. You went live from Day One. No factory testing for faults. No quality checks. Straight out of the assembly line and into the big bad world. I mean.. what was HE thinking?

Experience all of life – the high points and the low points. Life is meant to be a suspense thriller and what – you want it to be a Hum Aapke Hai Kaun movie? How boring.
Don’t give up so easily. You are not alone. I coach a lot of people who you can call successful, rich and famous. Still, many of them are as unproductive and stressed out as you. And they too have spectacular disasters in their pasts. And rotten relationships. You will look like an angel in comparison.

Quit trying to be perfect. Just be real. Just be human. Just be ALIVE yaar. Don’t give up so easily. We are all in the same boat. Virus or no virus, one day we will end up dead anyway. There is no escape.

Till then just have a ball. Go for something big. Don’t be afraid of failing. Eat lots of ice cream. Have deep, stupid conversations. Make friends with strangers. Ask silly questions.
Experiment.
Improvise.
Adapt.
Be alive and come alive. Come on…

If you agree with this quote, I win you. If you disagree with it – you win, I lose.
I still win you. To me that’s all that matters.
#ilosetowin #BeABaazigar

When you lose 27 kgs in a year everyone wants to know HOW you did it.

So here’s the secret:

1) Before thinking about losing your weight, work on losing your EGO. There is not enough space in life for a fat ego and a slim body. Dropping your ego means LOVING PEOPLE. Especially the ones who DON’T love you. And that includes saying SORRY. Once. Twice. A 100 times if you have to, till your broken relationships work. (It doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong. All that matters is ‘does this person MATTER to me?’)

2) Master your Fears. The FAT around your body is a subconscious way to protect yourself from everything that you are afraid of. Don’t be afraid of anything in life other than DEATH. Don’t be afraid of what people will think of you if you fail, if things don’t work out. Don’t be afraid of not having enough money. Don’t be afraid of the future. Be strong. Be courageous and live in the present.

3) Forget your To-Do list. Make a To-Give-Up list. Other than your ego and your silly fears, what else do you need to give up? Make a list. Have you made up stories about how people are and how people are not? Stories about what is possible for you and what’s not possible for you? Give up your stories. Stop believing the stories YOU MADE UP. Come back to the real world.

4) Be authentic. Live without a mask. Express your feelings fully.. like a child does. Communicate freely. HIDE NOTHING. Don’t get upset when people say things to you that you don’t like.

THE FIFTH STEP: you can create on your own. Some people go to the gym. Some people eat healthier food. Some people do yoga. There are a zillion options. ANY of them will work. PROVIDED. PROVIDED.. PROVIDED.. you have first done the first 4 steps.

It took me 6 months to reduce my weight but more than 6 years to completely master the first 4 steps. Maybe you won’t need 6 years.. maybe 6 months are enough.. or 6 weeks.. OR EVEN 6 MINUTES. I took 6 years because I WAS STUBBORN. You are not. Are you?

A housewife (Taapsee Pannu) gets slapped by her husband.

Husband says (without a hint of an apology), “Shit happens yaar. It shouldn’t have happened.. par ab ho gaya na?”
Mother-in-Law (Tanvi Azmi) tells her, “Thoda bardaasht karna seekhna chahiye auraton ko”.
Mother (Ratna Pathak Shah) is extremely upset that Taapsee is considering divorce, “Yehi din dekhna baaki reh gaya tha.”
Her brother thinks it is ‘one small episode’ and thinks it’s silly that she’s taking it so far.
Her neighbour (Diya Mirza) tells her, “Rishte banane mein utni effort nahi lagti jitni nibhane mein lagti hain.”
Even her lawyer (who’s a woman) thinks it’s “Just one slap”.

This is not a scene out of some jhopadpatti. This is a scene from a posh South Delhi locality.
Taapsee says, “Just a slap.. par.. nahin maar sakta.”

She doesn’t want revenge. She carries no resentment. But she’s decided to take the extreme step. She wants divorce.

It’s an unusual plot for a Bollywood film. But if you look beyond the Thappad, you realize that the film is not about the physical slap at all. It’s not about domestic violence.
It’s about a woman’s stand for her self-respect in a society where men are pampered and behave with a sense of entitlement.
It’s about the hundreds of other thappads that have become part of her life. And how she has become resigned to them.

Below the belt thappads like, “Tum driving seekhna chahti ho.. arey pehle dhang se parathe banana seekh lo..”
Subtle ones like, “Ab sex ke liye kya bheek maangu tumse?”
Abrasive ones like, “Tu housewife hai.. aukaad mein reh teri.”
And thappads like these she is getting not only from her husband, but from her in-laws AND from her own parents!

The movie Thappad is NOT a feminist movie. It’s not about women vs men. Like good powerful cinema it’s a mirror of society. It’s not even seeking to suggest that women should take extreme steps to restore their self-respect. It’s just an amazingly well made movie that leaves you with a lot of questions.

I am a Life Coach. I too hold up a mirror to my clients. And over the years I have coached many women to powerfully deal with similar issues.
The solutions are not easy. But they are possible. And they take effort and commitment. Divorce is definitely a solution to any kind of Thappad. But it is not the only solution. And it is never an easy solution.
The thing to remember is that as human beings we always have the privilege of choice. And with choice comes responsibility.

Every married man who watches this movie will probably ask himself, “Am I willing to take responsibility for all the Thappads (physical or verbal) that I have inflicted knowingly or unknowingly on my wife? Am I committed to creating a Thappad-free marriage?”

Every married woman who watches this movie will probably ask herself (just the way Taapsee does in the movie), “Am I willing to acknowledge my share of responsibility for all the Thappads (physical or verbal) that I have received in my marriage.. and how I let them happen? Am I committed to creating a Thappad-free marriage? Am I willing to give up playing victim and start standing up for my self-respect?”

Every parent who watches this film will probably ask, “Am I unknowingly conditioning my son to live an entitled and pampered life? Am I empowering my daughter to stand up for herself and live life powerfully irrespective of whether society changes or not?”

That was my review folks..
P.S. A BIG thank you to all my clients over the last few days who pushed me to go watch the film last night! It was life-changing.

WHEN will peace prevail on this beautiful blue-green planet?

When we as a human race learn the biggest life lessons of them all..

When we acknowledge that for us to be right, someone else does not automatically have to be wrong..

When we become aware that this Universe works on the principle of abundance and we can get what we want without needing to ‘take’ it from others..

When we accept that to feel good about ourselves we don’t have to be better than others..

When we stop making ourselves and our lives so significant and accept that we are tiny guests in a giant Universe..

When we realize that for all this to be possible we need to start with our home, our circle, our own attitude first..

THEN there will be peace on this planet.

“Today was a Difficult Day,” said Pooh.

There was a pause.
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Piglet.
“No,” said Pooh after a bit. “No, I don’t think I do.”
“That’s okay,” said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

“What are you doing?” asked Pooh.
“Nothing, really,” said Piglet. “Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don’t feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.

“But goodness,” continued Piglet, “Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you’ve got someone there for you. And I’ll always be here for you, Pooh.”
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs…he thought that his best friend had never been more right.”
– A.A. Milne

———————-
These days all days are Difficult Days for many of us. Here’s wishing that every Pooh out there gets their own Piglet to sit beside them.

All you Poohs out there – please reach out to your Piglets. It’s okay to take help.
And please be a Piglet yourself. Reach out to the Poohs in your life. Even if they don’t ask for your help.

“IT’S A HOPELESS SITUATION. I can never transform my relationship with my father.”, said a client to me yesterday.
Sometimes it’s not father, sometimes it’s a spouse, a boss or a sibling.
Sometimes it’s a career gone wonky.
Or a disastrous personal finance situation.
“IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I CAN’T DO IT.”

I hear this all the time.
Multiple times a day.
6 days a week.
I often tell them the story of the hummingbird.

A hummingbird’s wings beat up to eighty times per second. They can rotate in a complete circle, allowing it to hover in mid-air, fly forwards, backwards, up, down, sideways and even upside-down.
The laws of physics say it should be impossible for the hummingbird to fly.
Clearly nobody told the hummingbird.

“The problem is that the world is always telling you what is possible and what is not possible for you.
The problem is that YOU are always telling YOURSELF what is possible and what is not possible.
The problem is that you forget that you are way more extraordinary than any bird on this planet.

And you make up stories.
The bigger problem is that you believe your own stories.
Come on, you have the power to do the impossible.”, I tell them.
“I’ll help you see what you cannot see. There are so many things you are blind to. Your blind spots have crippled you.
Just be open. Just be coachable. Will you?”
YES.. they say.. and half the battle is won.

I have always seen marriage as a 50 year game. Pretty much like a 50 over cricket match.
Here are some things Seema and me have learned about marriage over the last 22 years. (explained in cricket terminology!)

1) The first few overs don’t define a 50 over game. You can bounce back from the initial setbacks. For Seema and me too the first few years were tough. But we were patient and built a partnership. We didn’t throw our wickets away.
Cricket, marriage and life are all first games of patience and then games of skill.

2) Your success in the game depends on how YOU play, not on how your partner plays. Have you ever heard Sachin saying, “I got out early because Viru played badly!” 🙄
Focus on what kind of partner YOU are being. Be extraordinary in YOUR game.

3) Your everyday life with your partner is like the running between wickets. You need to have good understanding. But good understanding doesn’t happen overnight. You have to work on it, even if your partner isn’t doing so.
But that’s not fair, you might say.
You’re right. It’s not. But life is not fair. It never was. Life is not fair, but it is good, and that’s what matters.

4) The environment you live in, your job, your extended family – they are like the pitch you bat on. Sometimes the pitch is a dream to bat on, sometimes the pitch is a pain in the backside.
Sometimes your job and your in-laws are just the perfect environment for your marriage to flourish, sometimes they seem to be the reason your marriage is failing.
Your batting has to be independent of the pitch. You have to be able to bat well on any kind of pitch, under any kind of circumstances, in any kind of weather. You have to become so awesome as a spouse, your marriage flourishes under any economic conditions and despite any drama that goes on around you.

5) You have to believe that you and your partner are a perfect team. Even if you are not. If you believe you are, you will be!
If your partner is driving you nuts, learn to adapt to your partner. If you continue to resist your partner, there’s a good chance you’ll get run out.

Here’s wishing us a Happy Anniversary and you all a great 50 over game!

FEELING ANXIOUS? – Take a deep breath
LOST YOUR JOB? – Find another one
CAN’T GET A JOB? – Hire yourself
DON’T HAVE MONEY TO START ON YOUR OWN? – Borrow from someone
CAN’T THINK OF IDEAS? – Think of a problem you can solve
DON’T HAVE MOTIVATION? – Look at your bank balance
NEED SUPPORT? – Ask a friend
FRIEND REFUSES TO HELP? – Ask another one
DON’T HAVE FRIENDS? – Make friendship with strangers
WHERE TO FIND STRANGERS? – Go do some social service
NOT SURE WHAT SOCIAL SERVICE TO DO? – Go help Sonu Sood
DON’T KNOW SONU SOOD? – Check social media
ADDICTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA? – Surrender phone to your spouse
SPOUSE IS PISSED OFF WITH YOU? – Listen more. Speak less.
UNHAPPY WITH SPOUSE? – Show some empathy.
UNHAPPY WITH YOURSELF? – Go eat ice cream
WANT TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY? – Go sell ice cream
STILL NOTHING IS WORKING? – Take a deep breath
P.S. NOT GETTING SLEEP AT 3 AM? – Write a blog post in your head. (like I did in this case!)

In 2009 I quit a corporate job because I wanted to be FREE.
11 years later I can say that I have understood what freedom really is. And what it isn’t.

FREEDOM is not merely having lots of money in your bank account.
Or lots of time on hand.
Although both matter like hell!

FREEDOM means feeling powerful about your CHOICES.
FREEDOM means having CONTROL over your life.
FREEDOM means being in ANY SITUATION and believing that you can CAUSE whatever outcome you want.

Today, I don’t live in the fanciest house or drive the fanciest car. I don’t even have the kind of bank balance most of my schoolmates or college mates have.
But today I can choose WHAT work I want to do, WHEN I want to do it, HOW I want to do it, with WHOM I want to do it, WHERE I want to do it and WHY I want to do it. THAT IS FREEDOM.

1) BE REALLY GOOD in what you do. One client from Singapore signed up with me last week with his eyes closed. He told me, “I want you to coach me because my friend told me there is Life before Milind and Life after Milind.”
You know, you have to be that good that people will swear by your work. Work hard on yourself. You have to be one of the best, if not the best in your field. Look at your talents and ask yourself, “What can I be the best at?”
Change your field, change your domain if you have to. Take a huge leap. If you sell Pani Puri, it has to be best goddamn Pani Puri on the planet. Your professional competence is your passport to freedom.

2) Freedom almost always comes at the cost of Security. You have to make yourself SUPER STRONG, so strong that external circumstances don’t affect you. Work on your mental fitness. Tell yourself, “I create my own Security.”

3) You have to be PATIENT. Freedom doesn’t happen overnight. For years together, I slogged my you-know-what off to be in this position. And I didn’t quit. Freedom is not for quitters.

Take action my friend. You have one life. This year it is Covid. Next year God knows what. Don’t wait for the ‘right’ time. I broke free in the middle of the 2009 recession. When are YOU going to break free?

NOT TOO LONG AGO, about 3 years back to be specific I used to label my son Arjun as a LAZY, IRRESPONSIBLE BUM. Today I see him as a HIGHLY RESPONSIBLE, COMMITTED young man.

But in these 3 years it is not Arjun who has gone from being lazy to being committed, from being irresponsible to being responsible.
In these 3 years what has changed is the way I see him.

Arjun was ALWAYS that responsible, committed young man. He was ALWAYS helping his mother in the house. He was ALWAYS doing tons of household chores.
What was different 3 years back was that I WAS BLIND. I was stuck with a label – a filter in my head (lazy bum) through which I used to see him. And through that filter I never saw the real Arjun. I only saw him playing games on the phone, watching TV. And that made the filter only stronger.
That filter blocked me from seeing who Arjun really was. The sensitive man he was becoming.

If anything Arjun has changed from being responsible for himself to being responsible for the environment. My friends know he has gone vegan. What most people probably don’t know is that he cooks ALL THREE meals himself so that he is not a burden on his mother.
He even orders his ingredients online himself, he cleans the veggies himself, and till we got a maid again recently he used to wash his cooking utensils himself.

When I look back on how I saw Arjun back then I realize how stupid I was. I told him, “I am so sorry Arjun for seeing you that way and for being such an ass.”

Over the years I worked on myself and I gave up my way of looking at him. I opened my eyes and started seeing what my eyes were showing me but my mind had blocked out.

When I share this story with my clients they too notice what they are blind to, what they are not seeing, how they are seeing a distorted version of their children (and their spouses and their bosses and their parents and their siblings and their friends and their relatives and their colleagues and their governments!)

You see when you become aware of your blind spots, it’s not just ONE thing that changes in your world.
Your ENTIRE world changes.

For years together I used to get affected by a virus called negativity. Its various forms included complaining, being irresponsible, having a chalta hai attitude, playing victim, living in fear, worrying about being judged by people etc.

Then I vaccinated myself with some super powerful vaccines. They include living in the present, gratitude, loving people unconditionally, accepting life and not resisting it etc.
Now I am about 95% immune to whatever happens to me. The virus gets killed before it gets into my system.

About 5% of the time I do struggle, but I don’t resist the struggle either.
Life is really not about what happens ‘out there’. Life is about how well you are vaccinated and how strong your emotional immune system is.

And when it is strong, then..
Whatever happened, happened.
Whatever is happening is happening.
And whatever will happen, will happen.
Then you become powerful beyond your wildest imagination!

My biggest financial mistake:
I thought I could be wealthy by earning big money. I didn’t realize that you get wealthy not by HOW MUCH you earn, but by how much you KEEP from what you earn. Do the math: In 27 years of career.. Rs 2 crores income, Rs 2 crores expenses.. how much is left? Smart boy I am no?

My biggest career mistake:
I thought my career path was linked to my education (Engineer MBA) and therefore I was stuck. It was much later in life I realized that my career path can be linked to what problem I can solve for society.

My biggest relationship mistake:
I thought I know people in my life. Truth is everybody is living a hard life full of struggles and I don’t even know 1% of what they are really dealing with.

My biggest health mistake:
It took me a long time to realize that to fix your body you need to fix your head first.

My biggest life mistake:
I was afraid of this and I was afraid of that and I was afraid of everything else in between and strangely most of whatever I was afraid of never happened. (touch wood touch wood!) And I was afraid of people and I was afraid of snakes, which is strange because they’re not similar really. (I’m still afraid of snakes!!!!)
And I thought it’s a mistake to make mistakes.
And that I think is the mother of all mistakes I made!

Have I tried to pay my RENT with a HUG? YOU BET I DID!

11 years ago on 3rd Feb 2009 I got LAID OFF from my job as Vice President- Business Development, Sales and Marketing of a Real Estate Company in Chennai.. right in the middle of the world’s worst recession. I had Rs 25 odd lacs of debt staring in my face (credit cards and personal loans). A result of 15 years of stupid financial mistakes.

I was stubborn (and the whole world was upset with me because of that). I refused to take up another job. I wanted to follow my dream of becoming India’s first Life Coach. At that time nobody had heard of life coaching. Needless to add, I struggled financially even more.

Every month I used to send a Rs 22000 rent cheque to my landlord (a wonderful professor from IIT Madras) by local courier. Between 2009 and 2014 when I stayed in that house, my estimate is that about 75% of the time I DEFAULTED on paying the rent because I didn’t have enough money.

I still used to send a handwritten letter to my landlord every month. The letter was full of love..  (what I call word hugs). I used to APOLOGIZE to him for not including the rent cheque in the envelope. I used to request, beg and plead of him to not ask me to vacate the house. I used to thank him in advance for agreeing to my request and for being so generous.

I did this almost month after month for 5 years. At times there was up to 4 months rent backlog. My survival in the city depended on the power of my letters.. and my word hugs.

All I asked myself was “Is this letter touching, moving and inspiring? Is this letter a good replacement for a tight, warm hug? “. If not, I used to tear it up and write it again.

A thank you and a BIG HUG  to my landlord.

I did the same thing with all the credit card collection agents who used to call me or land up at my house to threaten me and demand credit card money. I used the language of L♡VE to get them to wait. Short of physically hugging them I did everything!

I made sure I paid them whenever I had money in hand. Over a period of time, many collection agents became my friends. Some became my fans. I consider this one of my greatest achievements in life.

Money is important. I LOVE money. Today by God’s grace I make enough money to feed my family. Yes I want more because I need more.

But I am not addicted to Money. I am addicted to LOVE (and warm hugs). Side-effects of my profession you can say. Occupational hazard! And any day it is better than my previous addiction to alcohol.

Is LOVE more important than MONEY? That’s ORDINARY thinking.
An EXTRAORDINARY life is one where you believe that you can have love AND you can have money.. you don’t have to sacrifice one for the other.
And I choose to be Extraordinary.

1) BE PATIENT. Building a relationship is like growing and nurturing a plant. If you plant a seed and water it, the next day all you will have is a wet seed. Eventually the seed will grow. First the roots will get strong, then the plant will visibly grow above the surface. The same thing is true for relationships. In the first few years focus on strengthening the roots of your relationship. Patience is the name of the game.

2) BEING IN LOVE means being in acceptance. Acceptance is not easy. Sometimes you will feel like you’re living with a nut. At times you will feel it is just not fair. Accept the people in your life the way they are anyway. In that lies your extraordinariness, your greatness, your generosity. Remember – Resistance causes Persistence. Acceptance causes Disappearance. Accept everything you do not like about the person and it will eventually become a non issue. Resist it and you’re doomed to suffer. People say, “But Milind, I can always walk away – neither accept nor resist.” Sure if that makes sense for you do that, just make sure you don’t keep walking all your life.

3) EMPATHIZE. Walk in the other person’s shoes. Don’t just look at the behaviour of the person. Look at the person behind the behaviour. Who is he/she? What is he/she dealing with? Why is he/she behaving that way? What is missing in his/her life? You don’t have to agree with the other person. You just have to empathize. You have to relate. Get the other person’s world. It’s a recipe for magic!

4) GIVE UP. There are some things you should GIVE UP for the relationship to work. Give up your deep need to be right. Give up your need to win arguments. Give up your old and fixed way of seeing people. When you give up, you create a vacuum in which a new positive energy can come into your relationships.

5) NEVER GIVE UP. There are some things you should NEVER GIVE UP. Sometimes you will get fed up of trying. Sometimes you will feel burnt out. NEVER GIVE UP on your efforts. Never give up the lessons that come with the relationship. And if the person matters to you, I mean really really authentically matters to you.. never ever ever give up on the person.

By the way, you KNOW all this. There’s nothing new I wrote here. Still I hope it helps. Lots of love and respect to you.

Just spent 1.5 hours speaking to someone trying to convince him why he should NOT hire me as his life coach. This has become a once a month pattern now.

You see I’ve coached a lot of doctors and psychiatrists myself and I remember their advice, “Milind, DO NOT – whatever happens, DO NOT coach a person who has suicidal tendencies. Such people need psychiatric treatment and therapy, not coaching.”

When people are dealing with depression, disorders and serious hormonal imbalances that can cause them to inflict harm to themselves (or others), they need healing. If you know people like these in your life you should suggest to them that they see a doctor.
The treatment varies from medication to meditation, yoga, therapy etc. This treatment is gentle. It is designed to slowly bring a person back to normal. With time, it works.

Life Coaching.. at least MY life coaching is anything but gentle. I do straight talk with my clients.
I show my clients what they cannot see. I show my clients what they do not want to see. I show my clients the ugly truths about their life they are running away from.

Some hate me for that. Some love me for that. Either way they experience phenomenal power. This is very different from therapy.
Therapy is like helping someone with a broken leg to walk again. Coaching is helping them run the marathon in record time.

Most people do not understand the difference between psychiatric interventions/ therapy and life coaching, simply because the awareness about all this is still so low in India.

In my own way, and drawing from my 9 years and 5000+ hours of coaching experience I have tried to make that distinction clear in this post. Hopefully you can do your bit now in helping people around you get the right support structure.

“I’m so disappointed you do not want to coach me”, this prospect finally told me.
“Bro, I love you. I care for you. Life is precious. I want you to do justice to the 9 months your mother kept you in her womb. I WANT to coach you. But not NOW. First you need psychiatric treatment. Get yourself healed. THEN come to me. THEN I will coach you and help you become powerful beyond your wildest imagination.”

“Thank you for being there for me”, he told me, as we said bye to each other.

It was an emotional moment for both of us as I had met this client for the first time face to face after 26 sessions (I started coaching him in Jan 2021). He had travelled from Luxembourg to India and I was so happy to meet him (my coaching is always on the phone).

A life coach is like a family doctor. You never know what stage of life you’ll need to visit yours.

When I started coaching in 2012, the life coaching industry was next to non-existent. At that time I never imagined the journey would be so fascinating and so fulfilling.

I am always reminded of what my coaching school told me – “Not everyone can become a coach. Not everyone can sustain in the long term as one. To keep your own problems aside and empower people to deal with theirs is not everyone’s cup of tea. It is only your love for your clients and their well-being that will keep you going.”

So true. My insurance agent was asking me recently. “Sir, how long do you think you will work, till what age will you be in this profession?”

I told him, “I’ll be a Coach as long as I can breathe. I’ll impact people as long as I can open my mouth to talk and as long as my fingers can type.”

“Thank you for being there for me”, I too told him.

“Yes I am a Coach, but without you giving me an opportunity to coach you, an opportunity to help you transform your life, I am a nobody.”

A summary of what I spoke when I addressed Rotary Club yesterday. It was ultra powerful and wanted to share that power with you. 

It’s been an interesting last 30 days for Arista. Last month on her birthday she switched schools.

Thanks to the alternative education format we opted for her very early on, she’s never had any tests/ exams till now. This is her first year (and first month) of exams.

Here are some of the results and how she responded to them.
Arista: “Pappa, I got 12/20 in Maths.”
Me: “That’s great. And what does that mean?”
Arista: “Nothing.”

Arista: “12/13 in Science.”
Me: “Superb. And what does that mean?”
Arista: “Nothing.”

Arista: “9/10 in Hindi.”
Me: “Awesome. And what does that mean?”
Arista: “Nothing.”

Arista: “5/10 in Social Studies.”
Me: “Excellent. And what does that mean?”
Arista: “Nothing.”

At age 14, Arista has got her life fundas right. She’s got to be disciplined, committed. She has to be present, mindful. She’s got to take ownership and responsbility for her actions and the outcomes she produces. She has to be actively engaged in her work, respectful to her classmates and teachers and she has to be collaborative. She got a whopping 35/40 on these 5 parameters in a qualitative assessment, which in her words also means “nothing.”

The biggest funda she’s got right is that tests are just feedback mechanisms designed to assess what you know and what you don’t. You don’t have to label yourself as the planet’s biggest idiot just because you got a low score on a particular day. And you don’t have to believe you’re the smartest kid on the block just because of a high score.

Most importantly Arista knows that comparing your scores with others is the dumbest thing you can do.

Arista is not superhuman. She loses power at times. And whenever she does, she applies all the powerful coaching concepts she knows and bounces back. 30 days back, her first day at her new school was disastrous. She wanted to quit it. Today she is super confident and UNSTOPPABLE. A big hug to Seema for her support during that tough period.

I have always believed that we are most powerful when we are children. We lose power because of our adult surroundings.

I pray that our children stay children even when they become adults. And for that to happen I know I have to keep my adult brain in my pocket.. and think like a child myself.

Love and Fear are the two primary human emotions. And so I’ve always been a student of how these two work.

Here are a few things I’ve learnt over the years:

1) Love and judgement cannot co-exist. If you really love someone there is zero judgement; you’re not hung up with whether they’re right or wrong. They’re just who they are and you accept them the way they are, with all their flaws and imperfections. If you’re judging someone, love is the first casualty.

2) There is a very distinct way in which human beings see fear compared to animals. For animals there is fear only when they sense danger. For human beings we see EVERYTHING as danger! Even when there isn’t any! Most of the danger we see is the harm something can do to our own image of ourselves. We are afraid of looking bad in other people’s eyes. It’s the biggest fear of them all.

The interplay between Love and Fear creates a very powerful recipe for building great relationships.

To put it simply… accept people the way they are, don’t judge them AND make sure there is nothing in your behaviour that will hurt their image of themselves. Do what it takes to make them feel good about themselves.

An all love and no fear relationship may sound unrealistic and idealistic but it is not impossible. It’s only a question of how badly the other person matters to us.

P.S. This wonderful stray dog just came and plonked himself at my feet and the whole dynamic of love and fear flashed through my head!

There is no bad luck and there is no good luck.
It’s just an event and we have no clue what it will actually lead us to in the future.

There is no bad news and there is no good news.
It’s just news. And news is news.
Something happened.
And you have to deal with it.
Or you choose not to deal with it.
Both have consequences.

There are no bad people and there are no good people.
There are just people who we like and agree with and who follow the rules we follow.
And there are the rest.

There are no bad decisions and there are no good decisions.
There are just decisions.
Each decision shapes us in one way or the other.
With each decision we either grow or we learn.
Either way we become smarter, better and wiser.

There are no bad years and there are no good years.
A year is just the earth revolving around the sun.
In between come 365 days.
Each day we have three good meals, one good potty and seven hours of sleep.

In between there is some ‘bad’ luck’, some ‘bad’ news, some ‘bad’ people, some ‘bad’ decisions, some bad this and some bad that.
And the poor 2020 gets labelled as a bad year.

And in 2020 we thought 2021 will be a good year but now we think 2020 was a good year and this is the real bad year.

And then we will wait for 2022. Because that will be a better year. Acche din maybe.

And in 2022 we will wait for some good news and good people and good decisions and good this and good that.

P.S. The image in the post is neither bad nor good. It’s as meaningless as life itself.
Meaning is what YOU and ME put into it.

I think X about you.
But you think that I think Y about you.

But I don’t know that you think that I think Y about you.
And you don’t know that I think X about you.

But the real you is Z which I don’t know.
So it’s obvious that I’ll find your behaviour weird because you were never X.
But it’s not obvious to me that X is not equal to Z.
Because for me Z does not exist!

And you’ll find my behaviour weird because you wonder why I can’t see that you are Z and why I keep seeing you as Y. But you don’t know that that’s only what YOU think, not really what I think!

If you got this completely, that’s wonderful.
And if you feel like you’re down two tequila shots after reading this, 🙃 let me summarize the whole thing in ONE LINE:

“I don’t know you and you don’t know me but we think we know each other.”

——————
The way I see it: Life is really NOT about knowing each other, it’s about ACCEPTING each other just the way we are and the way we are not, irrespective of whether X and Y and Z are the same or not. And that is precisely what is called love.

Maybe you too see it that way. Maybe you don’t. How does it matter? Let’s love each other anyway no?

This is a beautiful world.
Everyone is a good person.
There is an abundance of opportunity on this planet to make a difference.
Making money is a piece of cake.
Right now everything is perfect the way it is and the way it is not.
Everything is happening for my greater good.
This is a friendly Universe and I am always taken care of.
Everyone is worthy of love. So am I.
People shower me with love and I love every person in my life to the moon and back.
There are enough jobs out there, especially the ones I will enjoy and flourish in. If I want one, I just need to look hard enough.
As long as my heart is beating and my O2 level is above 94 I have nothing to worry about!

—————
You know, nothing in this world is actually the way it is.
It is only the way YOU SEE IT.

So if things are not working out in your life, don’t wait for the world to change.
Just change your specs, the frames with which you see the world.
Then the whole world changes.
Just for you.

P.S. In yesterday’s audience poll on my story more than 85% of you voted for the new frame (across Insta, FB and WA, can you believe it!) But I like the old frame more. Thank you for putting me in a soup.

But the transition from old to new frames is always hard. I’m sure you understand!

I’ve heard this so many times in the last few years, “Even I can become a Life Coach. After all it’s all about giving gyan to people.”

Let me tell you, yes, ANYBODY can become a Life Coach provided you are willing to put in the effort.

THE EFFORT:
1) You have to experience life. You have to go through extended periods of happiness and sadness, ecstasy and disappointment, acceptance and rejection, anger and peace, success and failure.

2) You need to develop the ability and the mindfulness to turn every life event into a life lesson.

3) You need to have an unwavering commitment to make a difference to people’s lives. Easy money sitting at home should NOT be your goal. You may end up coaching 4 to 6 hours a day, but as a Coach you will be working as long as you are awake. You have to constantly learn and evolve. Every day you have to become a better/ more powerful human being than who you were earlier.

4) You have to be open to failure. You have to be curious about life and experiment with it. You have to let go of shame and put your izzat at stake. You have to try new ways to live life and discover the principles of life.

5) Most importantly, you have to be committed to loving people unconditionally. Otherwise you have no business being a Life Coach.

You cannot learn life coaching just by doing a coaching certification or by reading a few dozen books on life.

We are a country of 1.3 billion people (and 1.3 million doctors). But there aren’t too many coaches and even fewer who are seriously committed.

PLEASE BECOME ONE. I started when there was almost nobody and in 8 years I’ve already crossed 5000 hours of coaching. And I feel tired at times. I may not be able to go on and on. I’ll be happy to share my secrets and my experience with you.

If you are interested in becoming a Life Coach, strap on your seat belt and get ready for the ride of your life. Get ready to pay a price for it. That may include a journey to hell and back. Multiple times!

Your clients will love you for it. Because one day they will realize that you took that journey so that they didn’t have to take it themselves.

Lots of love and respect to you.

I had parked our Ertiga in a lane in Pune yesterday when this happened. I returned to our car and found a clamp on our front wheel. A towing van with a lady police constable in it was nearby.

I asked the van operator who had a swipe machine ready in his hand, “What’s the fine?”

He said, “The fine for parking in a no parking zone is Rs 2000 but it’s ok you can pay us Rs 720 and we’ll show them as towing van charges.”

Very sheepishly, I agreed to pay the smaller amount. He punched in something and about 30 seconds later I told him, “LISTEN, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to pay Rs 720. I want to pay the full amount: Rs 2000.”

He was shocked, “Sir, now we can’t do anything. I’ve already created the receipt in the system. Now you’ll have to go through with the Rs 720 payment.”

“Well, too bad,” I told him. In that case I’ll pay the Rs 720 AND I’ll pay Rs 2000.”

“Sir, that’s not possible”. After a bit of argument I approached the constable. I apologized to her for succumbing to the “offer” they had given. I admitted I had been greedy and had made a mistake and been a bad citizen. I requested her that she should give me a chance to rectify my mistake.

She refused saying the system will not allow it. An argument started with her as well. I told her if I pay Rs 2000 the government will benefit and it will eventually mean a better salary for her.

She told me, “Sir, if you pay Rs 2000, the local corporator will get Rs 1000. Our salaries will not increase.”

By now I was agitated, but she was calm as a cucumber. She told me how people fight with her everyday from 9am to 9pm and refuse to even pay Rs 720.. and how she has learnt to maintain her cool.

She asked me what I do for a living. She told me how much she admired my spirit and I told her how much I learnt from her about being calm even when you feel things are unfair. She told me I had been a great teacher to her and I told her she had been the same to me.

She shared with me her salary (Rs 38000) and her monthly expenses, her household troubles and a lot more.

I eventually paid Rs 720 (the system wouldn’t allow me to pay more) but I left the lane a wiser, kinder and more compassionate person.

My message to all the wonderful women in my life..

🌹 In whatever role you are doing in life – a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a mother-in-law… you are doing your best. Sometimes people may tell you otherwise. Sometimes you yourself may feel otherwise. Ignore such people (me included). Ignore the negative chatter in your head. I thank you for doing your best.

🌹 More than 55% of my coachees over the last decade have been women. Thanks to my profession I get a deep insight into the kind of lives you live. It is not easy what you deal with. I cannot even imagine putting myself into your shoes. I’ll trip and fall down if I do that. How do you manage it all? How do you stay motivated? Words cannot describe how amazing you are.

🌹 Please don’t try and be equal with men. Men are wonderful creatures and amazing in their own way but you are a breed apart. You are so extraordinary you don’t need to compare yourself with the opposite sex. I also do some wonderful things in life (thank you) but the day I start washing my own underwear and complete 176 tasks before breakfast I will consider myself somewhat equal to you.

🌹 You are awesome but you are not perfect. Don’t even try and be perfect. You were born not to be perfect but to be human. I know every day you struggle to figure out life. You make mistakes. Every day you learn from them and tell yourself.. let’s see, “there’s a better way to do parenting or here’s how I can handle my mother-in-law better.” Every day you explore what it means to be a human being and to be a woman. Keep exploring. Your beauty is in your imperfections. Your smile is all the makeup you need. I love you for who you are and who you are not.

🌹 Like all other men, every day I also try and figure out life. Please be patient with me. I often screw up in dealing with you. At times I hurt you. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I am truly sorry. Please do not hesitate to tell me where I go wrong. I am open to learning how to create a more meaningful relationship with you.

Every Women’s Day I ask myself – have I become a better man today compared to a year back?

A BIG THANK YOU and a BIGGER HUG for being in my life.

Lots of love and respect.

I was speaking to a client who was feeling low and in a state of confusion yesterday.
“If I accept this job offer with a 30% increment then it will be great but I will miss out on all the extra time I get in my current job, because the new job will be very demanding and I’ll have to work long hours.”
“And if you don’t accept the job offer then?,” I asked.
“Then I’ll miss out on the 30% increment!!!”
————————————-
You see life is like the pizza you see in the picture. There are 5 juicy, yummy, delicious slices… and there’s one that is missing.

You have two options: focus on the 5 wonderful slices, be grateful and enjoy them to the fullest OR focus only on the 1 slice that is missing and make your life miserable.

I completed 12 years of self employment yesterday and I remembered the 3 specific occasions in those 12 years when my bank balance had dipped to LESS THAN Rs 100 (and no atta in the house). And on each of those occasions I remembered the 5 slices of pizza concept I had created in my head back then to deal with my state of mind and bounce back. I had hit such a low, it was like I had only 1 slice and the other 5 were missing. But I knew what I should focus on!
I even had a picture of 5 slices of pizza on my phone for several years to remind me to be grateful every single day.

The reality is that THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A MISSING SLICE in our lives. And when we get the missing slice of money, the existing slice of health or work life balance will disappear. When we get the missing slice of entrepreneurship, the existing slice of security will disappear.

I repeat, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A MISSING SLICE. It is not something to fret over or get disappointed by. The missing slice is just something to aim for. The missing slice is also there to distract you and TEST you whether or not you’ve understood the biggest secret of life… GRATITUDE!

As we end, ask yourself: Which part of your life’s pizza are YOU focusing on?

P.S. On a lighter note – last night:
Wifey: “Milind, dinner is already ready. Why are you ordering pizza?”
Me: “For a social media post.”
Smart move no? 🙂

“I don’t want to go for the farm visit today Pappa, I only want to go for the one on 23rd Feb,” Arista told me just now.
ME: “That’s ok, that’s what I’ve told your class teacher and it’s not compulsory anyway.”

ARISTA: “But WHAT IF my teacher is not ok with me not coming today.”
ME: “Has the teacher said she’s not ok with you not coming today?”

ARISTA: “No.”
ME: “When will we have to deal with her saying she’s not okay?”

ARISTA: “When she says it.”
ME: “And if that happens when will it happen?”

ARISTA: “In the future.”
ME: “Are we in the future now?”

ARISTA: “No!”
ME: “Then where are we?”

ARISTA: “In the present.”
ME: “So will you please stay in the present and let’s deal with the future when we get to the future?”

ARISTA: “Ok.. I get it.”
ME: “You know my mom is in hospital for the last few days. And everyday when I leave the hospital I go and eat my favourite food.”
(Arista laughed!)
ME: “If I say, WHAT IF her condition doesn’t improve, WHAT IF the hospital stay continues for another week, tell me, when do I have to deal with that?”

ARISTA: “IF and WHEN that happens.. in the future.”
ME: “One day when I myself am hospitalized and you and Arjun have to take turns being my attendant, everytime you leave the hospital I want you to go to KFC and enjoy your favourite food, not sit and worry about me. Do you realize that what’s happening in hospital and what’s happening in a restaurant are TWO DIFFERENT EVENTS in time and space and one thing has nothing to do with the other? One is X and the other is Y and X has no bearing on Y and vice-versa.”

ARISTA (still laughing): “I really get it.”
ME: “In a nutshell Arista, there are things you can do about something and there are times when you can’t do anything but be patient and wait for the future to arrive. Your worrying is not going to change the future. And 99% of what you worry about never happens anyway”

ARISTA: “Absolutely Pappa, I will remember this.”

P.S. Thank you for your love and concern. My mom’s health is improving every day and should be discharged in a day or two. But even if the discharge is delayed I’ll deal with that IF and WHEN that happens.. IN THE FUTURE!

Seema and me did the Andharban forest trek (6.5 hours of climbing down a valley) last weekend and me being me still fired up from that trek, have declared to go even bigger in the coming years.

Our friend Sumana was already nudging me to do the Everest Base Camp (EBC) trek with her in May 2022 and as usual I was in two minds. And look at how the Universe gives you hints. I was speaking to my client Dhanush from London sometime back and he told me he did the EBC trek 5 years back! The photo he sent me (in the pic below) is so awesome, I have no doubt now I’m doing the EBC trek for sure.

Dhanush also recommended I do a short, 5 odd hours add-on that ascends Kala Pathar, a hill that provides the best viewing point of Mount Everest and the surrounding peaks.

My journey to Everest Base Camp has begun. It began half an hour back the moment I declared that I’m going. I have 16 months to get my body and bank balance into shape.

I am clear on one thing. I am going to do EBC not just to discover Everest but more importantly to discover myself. Of course I can discover myself sipping green tea on the balcony of my 11th floor flat also, but I’m assuming what I will discover of what I am capable of at 5643m altitude at -17 degrees Celcius will be slightly different!
(5643m = Pune + Lonavla + Thekaddy + Mahabaleshwar + Shimla stacked on top of each other)

Whether I will succeed or fail I don’t know – I cannot predict the future. But I can CREATE a successful future in my head and I can allow that future to shape me in my present.

And that’s the journey I’m embarking on. It’s one more story I want to have to tell my daughter’s grandchildren!

P.S. Dhanush tells me the dark black mountain is Everest. I want to go to the Kala Pathar hill and watch the peak myself and delete the word “impossible” from my vocabulary – forever.

UPDATE: I read the details on the trek organizer’s website. It’s a 97km trek spread over 12 days. There are so many other details which are so scary, now toh pakka I want to do the trek!

Uncertainty in and of itself is not a problem. The problem is our attitude, our resistance towards uncertainty. Embrace uncertainty as an inseparable part of living and life will be a blissfully enjoyable experience!

“JUST DO IT Milind.. commit to the K2S trek in March”, urged my friend Sumana last night.

I was unsure. I’ve been unsure for a year now whether I can handle such a tough trek. But the last time Sumana and me committed to something, we landed up in the Himalayas (Spiti Valley 2019).

But this trek is different.

The K2S trek is a gruelling 17 km trek from Katraj to Sinhagad Fort in Pune. The trek is usually done on a full moon night from 10pm to 5am. There are 14 hills you have to climb up and down.

“If you stop on the way, you’re finished”, Sumana told me. The secret is to keep walking. And there are many places where you could lose your way. If you get tired on the way you CANNOT quit and take a ride back home.

It’s VERY RISKY. And it’s SCARY. And it’s DEMANDING.

I have never walked that much in my life.. that too up and down like that like a madman.

Right now it sounds IMPOSSIBLE.
So I’m going to DO IT!

——————————-
You see I have learned to STOP believing my mind. I know my mind is DUMB. It will always look for reasons why something CANNOT be done.

My fitness coach (Coach Cozac) says “Your body can do anything. You just have to convince your mind.”

So I have told my mind “I CAN DO IT” even though it is telling me I can’t. And now that I have told YOU that I will do it, I WILL DO IT.

PUBLICLY commiting to something is the secret to any big achievement.

I have approx 4 months to get my body fit and into shape to do the trek. I lost 15 kgs for the Himalayas last year and another 15 after coming back, so losing a few more kilos for K2S and strengthening my endurance and stamina should not be difficult in 4 months.

The trek will be in my birthday week and when I post photos of the trek you will see a much more toned body. What a birthday gift that will be!

“It’s possible Sumana. I can do it. I will do it.”, I finally told her.

Is it the TRUTH that’s it’s possible?

Forget the truth.
The truth doesn’t matter.

It is possible because I SAID it is possible.
That’s all that matters.

8 years ago on this day (24th November) at age 42, I completed my Life Coaching certification. (They taught me how to coach.. how life works I had to learn on my own.. that diploma I will get when I die!)

At that time all I had other than this certificate, was support from family and friends, a few hundred rupees in my bank account and a declaration that I will use my skills to make a career change and help people.

As of this morning I have completed 4852 hours of individual coaching for 298 clients all over the world. There are 47 powerful testimonials on my website and 86 clients renewed my services.

All of it sitting from home in my Tshirt and Track pants. And I started with a Rs 7000 mobile phone which I paid for with borrowed money.

Thank you everyone who supported me in my journey! I owe you my life.
Like everyone I STARTED FROM SCRATCH.

I share this because so many people find it difficult to take the first step. Fear cripples people.

You too can live a life of your dreams. The secret is to commit. Don’t overthink whether your decision is right or wrong. Your mind (like mine) is negative by default.

Just follow your heart, take a decision and make it right. Be open to failures, struggles, embarassments and humiliation. These are INEVITABLE.

Most importantly, be serious. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t say your life is working when it is not.

Paragraph One
I walk down the street. There is an open sink hole I didn’t notice. I fall in. I am hurt. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. I cry and complain. It takes a lifetime to come out.

Paragraph Two
I walk down the street. There is an open sink hole I didn’t notice.
I pretend it does not exist. I fall in again. I can’t believe my bad luck. But, it isn’t my fault. It’s all destiny. It still takes a long time to get out.

Paragraph Three
I walk down the same street. There is an open sink hole. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. It is my fault. I accept responsibility. I am in pain and get out immediately.

Paragraph Four
I walk down the same street. I can see the open sink hole I knew was there.
I am alert. I walk around it.

Paragraph Five
I walk down another street.

“She didn’t wish me on my birthday.”
So what?

“He’s always getting upset over small small things.”
Samajh le yaar.

“She never calls my mom.”
Don’t take it personally man, that relationship is a work in progress.

“He takes no responsibility for household work. I have to do everything.”
You cannot force responsibility on him. His priorities are different from yours.

“Look at how much weight she’s putting on my eating the junk she eats.”
Hey ask yourself – what is that junk a replacement for?

“But Milind, I’m done with this man. He’s made my life horrible.”
No you’re not. If you were really done, you would have left him by now (and that’s ok).

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
My clients often hear me saying, “Love them or Leave them”.
But then if you leave them, the things you are complaining about will anyway chase you in a different pair of trousers!

Every relationship is like a class in progress. If you run away from the classroom, the class continues somewhere else. And the class is not done until you’ve learnt your lesson.

You can leave bosses, colleagues, relatives, friends.
You can even leave your husband, your wife, your siblings.
And how do you leave your parents and children, may I ask?
Do you get a new set because it’s too difficult to love the existing ones?

Love is not rocket science.
It is just inconvenient.
It is a hell of a lot of hard work.

I think God, Bhagwan, Allah knows that.
But it is a cosmic lesson he (or is it she) chose for YOU.
It is a privilege you have as a human being.

Your ability to LOVE is your greatest blessing.
USE IT.
And use it ESPECIALLY where you don’t feel like using it.
Then I will say to you, “Kya baat hai boss, YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY!”

P.S. As I evolve as a Life Coach year after year, I become more and more blunt. It shows in my posts. You too can love me or leave me. (I’m sure many people do both).
But you see it’s your love for me and my love for you which got you to the end of this post. So tell me.. how can I ever leave you? Tell. Tell.

1) Love is when your wife throws your clothes out of the house because you used the wrong utenstil to make Maggi but you still say sorry to her because you know it’s not her, it’s the hormonal imbalances because of her postnatal depression.

2) Love is when your husband binge drinks every night but you relate to that because you understand that that’s his present way of dealing with the helplessness of his life.

3) Love is when your father didn’t give you time when you were a child but you empathize with that and know he kept working late hours only for securing your own future.

4) Love is when your mother has an affair with some man but you still accept her because you understand whatever she’s doing is to fill some void in her life.

5) Love is when your best friend has cut off from you for 10 years but you don’t hold any anger because you understand why he is so mad at you.

Love is unconditional acceptance.
Love is understanding.
Love is empathy.
Love is forgiveness.

You know.. there are two kinds of people in our lives.
Those who matter.
And those who don’t.

I often tell clients – when someone matters to you, think twice before saying you love them.
Because what is love really?
Love is a lifelong commitment.

If someone really drives you nuts, take a break from them, go on a long drive, binge watch a web series, eat some ice cream, get yourself a kitten.. I mean do whatever. But never let the emotion of love leave your heart. It is what makes us human beings so special.

P.S. Dedicated to all my extraordinary clients who make me believe in love. (BTW ALL the examples in this post are from my clients.. you guys rock.. may the power be with you.)

LADY ON THE PHONE: “Sir, we are calling from Bajaj Finance and we have a very good scheme for you…”

ME (interrupting): “Madam, I am really sorry to interrupt you. I understand you have my best interests in mind and I know you are only doing your job and you want to sell me your credit card or personal loan but honestly I do not have any such requirement right now. I promise you if I have any such need in the future I will contact your company and nobody else but I would genuinely appreciate if you remove my number from your calling list because keeping on calling me 10 times a day will simply be a waste of your time.

LADY: “OK Sir, I will put your number on our DND list.”
ME: “Madam, my number was already on your DND list but suddenly from yesterday the calls have started again. But thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate it.”
(Then I hung up – sorry bhi bol diya, thank you bhi bol diya, that too dil se.. felt really good about myself.)

60 seconds later (I swear), phone rings again:
(ANOTHER) LADY ON THE PHONE: “Sir, we are calling from Bajaj Finance and we have a very good scheme for you…”
ME: “Madam, really sorry to interrupt you. Just 60 seconds earlier I spoke to your executive, can you please check your system…”

——————-
Every day, life gives you opportunities to practice being calm, being compassionate, being kind, being loving, being empathetic. And you can be a Pro in being all this, but you cannot practice this in front of the mirror.

You need real people with whom you can practice this. And when people are a nuisance, when they are self-centered or outright rude, when they are ungrateful or when they are not the way you want them to be, the practice session is harder but it improves you in your game of life phenomenally.

I’m sure Sachin Tendulkar got more practice dealing with bouncers by facing one over of Shoiab Akhtar than he could have got in 2 hours of net practice.

The game is on boss. Bouncers will come at you thick and fast. Everyday and sometimes every hour. Watch out for mothers-in-law.. they are specialists in googlies! But bouncers or googlies, the more you face them, the more practice you will get.

Today I got not one but two practice sessions already. I’m praying I get more in the rest of the evening!

Food for thought: Who did God send for you as YOUR practice partner today? Did you use your practice sessions well?

Sometimes your practice partner is an irritating call-centre executive, sometimes a careless maid servant, sometimes a disrespectful child, sometimes a rude spouse, sometimes an arrogant boss.

Sometimes it is a 120 nano metre virus.
Did you thank God for your practice partner today?

I have TWO intentions of writing this post:

1) To help you heal your relationship with your spouse/ your parents/ your children/ your boss.. anyone who matters to you.. anyone you love.

2) To make my fish Chiku immortal (an assignment a client of mine gave me yesterday!)
I got Chiku (breedname Cichlids) into my tank in Feb 2019. Twice a day I used to feed him and watch him swim in the 40 litre fish tank. I used to even play with him. He was very bold, he used to nibble at my fingers. Having had more than 30 fish in the past I could make out that Chiku was a very happy fish.

Then on 20th March 2020, Chiku suddenly stopped eating food. He did not look unwell so other than adding some rock salt to the water I didn’t do anything. Two days later, on 22nd March 2020, exactly a day before my 50th birthday, my loving pet Chiku died.
I am used to fish dying, but this time it was different. How I wish I could talk to Chiku, I told myself. How I wish I could have asked him how he felt about his health, then maybe I could have done something about it.

Chiku is gone and I have made peace with it but Chiku taught me a lesson in his final days. In his silence I almost heard him say, “Sirji, communication is a privilege I don’t have, but you do. And what do you do with that privilege?
Do you use it well?
Do you communicate as often as you can to spread love, good cheer and happiness?
And when people communicate to you, (especially when you don’t like what they say), do you embrace their words or do you get upset?”

You know, I am happy I am living in a world where we can express ourselves and understand what others are expressing. I am happy we are NOT living in world full of Chikus who just cannot communicate. That would be a chaotic world.

From 23rd March, my birthday, Chiku has been figuring in almost every coaching engagement of mine.
I tell clients, “Don’t be a Chiku. Express yourself fully. Don’t hold back. Don’t worry about people judging you. And when people express themselves, remind yourself what a blessed species you are. Let people express themselves. Don’t stop them, stifle them. Don’t say, he shouldn’t have said this and she shouldn’t have said that.”

It’s been 5 months now. Thanks to Chiku, I am now more communicative, more expressive with my family, my relatives and my friends. And I hardly get upset when people say this or that to me or about me or when people call me names. (In my mind I reply “I love you too! “.. and I MEAN IT.)

In his final moments, as he lay floating sideways on the water, eyes wide open, I almost heard Chiku tell me, “My time is up friend. Yours is not. You are not trapped alone in a tank with nobody. You have hundreds of people who think about you and miss you. Communicate with them. You have one life. Use it well.”

P.S. Video was shot in 2019. Fond memories of a wonderful pet. And thank you for reading this long post. I could have made a video but my wife Seema predicted that if I made a video I would have cried.. hence the text post. (I still cried but then that’s what it means to really BE ALIVE!)

I was recently interviewed by Podcaster Rupesh Nahar in his podcast – The Midlife Station.
During the show I shared with him the journey of my life so far, my struggles, the challenges I faced, how I overcame them and what it takes to deal with a midlife crisis.

Tune in to the full episode here: https://themidlifestation.com/milind

In the podcast you can expect the following content:
Time Stamps:
06:23 Key ingredients that enabled me to grow in my corporate career
09:35 What are the things people can do that can help them to grow in their mid-career
13:55 How I (mis)managed my financial lifestyle while being in a high profile job
19:57 How I ran into Rs 25 lakh of financial debt
24:15 The time when I was laid off from the job in the recession of 2009
29:15 Why I did not take a job post lay off and why I chose to start out on my own during my midlife
32:21 How I overcame the challenges post layoff
34:45 How I managed to get my initial clients
41:33 By when I was able to achieve financial stability
44:21 Case in point of a fictional character who is in his midlife and undergoing challenges
52:24 Quick Fire Segment
58:15 Key Take Aways

The Podcast is available on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify and Castbox.

Effective coaching is as much about a committed coachee as much it is about a committed coach.
And not everyone is coachable. At times even I am not.
A coachable person is one who is open, willing to change. Someone who is patient and understands that transformation will not happen in just 2 to 3 sessions.
A coachable person is committed to the coaching process, is willing to let go of old ways of thinking and open to trying out a new approach to life which the coach invites him/her to try out.
A coachable person trusts his/her coach and the coaching process. As a coach I show people a mirror – I get them to see what’s really stopping them. Sometimes people don’t like what they see, but I have no choice but to be tough on them. Because they know I care for them, clients who are coachable stick with me. And that’s how they get results.

Ajosh John stuck with me. In the testimonial he wrote for me in 2017, he calls me a life saver. No John, you saved your own life. You turned it all around. You were highly coachable. You are every coach’s dream.

Thank you for sharing your deepest secrets with me. For trusting me. And for not giving up on me and on yourself whenever I was tough on you.
You are truly extraordinary!

Most of us are too hard on ourselves. We underestimate what we’re capable of achieving.
Whenever I feel something is IMPOSSIBLE, I look at my own past achievements, however small or big they may be. The career challenges I overcame, the relationships I transformed, the financial difficulties I worked around, the addictions I got rid off and all the excess baggage I let go off that was stopping me.

I often ask my clients to put every significant thing they’ve achieved in life in what I call ‘an Accomplishments’ Journal’.
I tell them, “You’ve already accomplished so much in your life. Give yourself a pat on your back. Because you deserve it.

Be gentle on yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in miracles. Get inspired by your accomplishments. Take something that matters to you and DO THE IMPOSSIBLE!”

(In the photo: Before and after 30 kgs weight loss in 2019 – part of my accomplishments journal).

LIFE is not meant to be a guessing game. There is one thing we have that animals don’t.. and that’s the power of communication.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
People often wonder why I am so openly expressive about who I love and what I love – in my communication, online and offline.⁣⁣
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You see when I want to feel loved, I want people to tell me directly or indirectly that they love me. When someone cooks a delicious meal for me it’s an expression of love.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Or it could be a hug or a “Hi, how are you doing?” ⁣⁣
Or just a “Take care”.⁣⁣
Yesterday I wanted to surprise my wife with some flowers, but the plan failed miserably!⁣⁣
But then every day brings a new opportunity to express love.⁣⁣
And there are a billion ways of expressing love. Saying “I love you” is just one of them. ⁣⁣
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Every day Seema and me lose count of the number of times we express our love to each other. We know that when we don’t express love, it automatically diminishes.⁣⁣
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You see, where there is no communication, there is no love.⁣⁣
And where there is no love, there is no communication.⁣⁣
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We all are hungry for love.⁣⁣
And the secret to getting love is.. ⁣GIVE MORE OF IT!⁣
Because what you give comes back to you multiplied.⁣⁣
It is a LAW of the Universe.⁣⁣
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Express your love to your loved ones. Go hug them. Tell them they’re looking great today. Acknowledge them for something they did for you, or simply for being in your life.⁣⁣
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In times of disease and war this planet could do with some healing.⁣ Love and Communication are the best medicines.⁣

“COME ON MILIND, I AM NOT GAUTAM BUDDHA!”, she said.⁣
“I cannot love everyone unconditionally. It is so difficult. In fact it is impossible to really be in that state.”⁣
⁣
“Mein Gandhiji nahin hoon,” another one said.⁣
If someone does something wrong to me, I will react. If someone hates me, how can you ask me to love them. It’s ridiculous. Yaar mein insaan hoon, bhagwan nahin.”⁣
⁣
“Hello, I just want to improve my relationships. I didn’t say I want to become Mother Teresa.”, I heard another one say.⁣
“Please don’t take away my right to complain. Thode bahot to complaints honge na yaar.”⁣
———————————-⁣
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Most of us are just resigned to a life where our relationships are ORDINARY, not as beautiful as they can possibly be or as fulfilling as they once were.⁣
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And we believe that restoring broken relationships is a very difficult task and it is all the more difficult because the ‘other’ person is not taking any effort.⁣
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To make things worse, we often lie to ourselves that the other person “doesn’t matter”!
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The truth is, most of us have forgotten that love is at the very core of the human soul.⁣
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And if we really choose, I mean if we really really choose, we can dip into the ocean of love that lies within us and make life so much more rich and beautiful for ourselves and those around us.⁣
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It is just one three letter word that stops us (Yeah.. guess it). And if three people who lived on this planet stood for love, there is no reason why each one of us can’t.⁣
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After all, what is possible for one human, is possible for every human.⁣
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“You ARE a Buddha, a Gandhiji, a Mother Teresa”, I tell people. “Wake up!”⁣
⁣
But then..⁣
Not everybody likes what I tell them.⁣
Not everybody likes me as a Coach when I say this.⁣
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But I have to say this. I have no choice. I enter people’s lives not to make myself right and make them wrong. I say what I say not so that people like me, but so that they become uncomfortable.⁣
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And it is in their state of discomfort that they see things from a whole new perspective. And when that perspective changes it doesn’t just change the way they see one thing.⁣
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It changes the way they see EVERYTHING. Forever.

“Milind Sir, I’ve been feeling so blissful and happy for the last 2 hours.”, she said.
“I want this feeling to last forever. Is there a way?”
“NO”, I replied.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
You see happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin. One can’t exist without the other.
Like on Monday afternoon I met my friends after almost 4 months and I was so happy. I laughed and laughed throughout the afternoon. The happiness spilt over to yesterday also.

And today it is my weekly off and I began my day crying. I was feeling sad. We all have things to feel sad about. And crying is just a way to let out those emotions.
Over the years, one of the biggest things I learnt from my wife is that it is OK to cry. In the initial years of our marriage I used to be very upset when she cried.
Now I don’t resist her crying. And whenever I feel like crying, I cry too. Not just in front of her, but in front of others too. It’s another one of Nature’s calls after all!

When I coach people, so often they cry on the phone. And they feel better after they’ve done that.
You see it’s OK to cry.
But it’s not OK to stay in that state forever.
Just the way it’s nice to be happy.
But it’ll be weird if you were in a happy state forever. (Such people are usually sent to a mental asylum.)

Life is like a sine wave.
More like an Electrocardiogram.
There will be swings.
Ups and Downs all the time.
And neither the highs nor the lows will last forever.
They’re not supposed to.

Success and Failure will come in cycles.
So will Satisfaction and Disappointment.
And Opportunity and Difficulty.
Sometimes there will be Lack.
And sometimes.. Abundance.

Sometimes you will be showered with Love.
And at times Life will give you a tight slap!
That’s how it’s supposed to be.
And THAT, my dearest darling friends, is called Life.
Everything else is called Death…
.. which.. by the way.. is the only thing that will LAST FOREVER!

FOR THE LAST 21 YEARS, I have had to face this question, “Does your wife work?”
I have always wondered how to answer that question. Actually the question itself bewilders me because I have never seen anybody’s wife who does not “not work”.
Did I sleep through some announcement which said, “A million dollars grand prize if you discover the one wife in the world who doesn’t work”?

I usually answer their question by saying, “Yes, she works. She’s a housewife you see.”
The part I omit is, “And she works a bit more than me. 10x more I’d say. And because I’m busy helping humanity, I have no time to wash my underwear and put Harpic on the toilet seats. So guess who does that? That too without complaining. And for no pension and no pay.

I’m not the best husband on the planet (I’m far from it actually), but I acknowledge that I am able to do what I do, earn what I earn and achieve what I achieve because she does what she does. I am nobody without her.
That’s probably why she is my better half.”

Good I omit that part, because some people would get offended if I’d say that, although it’s the truth. It’s weird how in the enlightened age of Alexa many people still look down on housewives.
I really need to get their world. And they need to get that of a housewife’s. It’s anything but easy.

Tuesday 7am. Young New York NRI client. He was frustrated that he isn’t learning much in his job. And it’s going to be a few more months of suffering before he can expect a change of project. And the lockdown and the riots are adding to the agony.
I asked him, “How much is your pay cut?”

“Pay cut? Oh no no.. I’m fine; the company has announced there won’t be any pay cuts.”
“You know what,” I told him, “you don’t need coaching. What you need is for me to courier you a Kolhapuri Chappal. You can take that and give yourself a few whacks on your backside. There are people out there who are barely getting half their salaries, many are losing their jobs, people’s businesses are shutting down and what’s missing in your life – A LEARNING CURVE!”

He got the point – he promised to make a list of things that he can be grateful for in the job. He became present. And we both had a good laugh!

The best part is.. his Dad, who is literally trapped on another continent (also my client) pinged me last night, “Milind – the Kolhapuri Chappal worked really well!” The impact of the chappal had travelled across the Atlantic Ocean!

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In the words of Dr. Seuss, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
The sooner we are grateful for what we have and stop whining about what’s missing, the earlier we will discover that there is no heaven “out there”.. it’s right here.. on this beautiful blue green planet.. with our ‘nasty’ relatives and our ‘botched up’ careers and our ‘imperfect’ bodies.
Till then, we could ALL do with a whack on the backside. If you’re not hit by Corona, get yourself a Kolhapuri Chappal. It’ll do you a lot of good! I’m ordering one soon..

In 2016 for almost a year I coached a student who was preparing for her IAS exams and dealing with all kinds of struggles in life. Her commitment and perseverance paid off eventually and today she is an Assistant Collector working day and night ON THE FIELD, risking her own life, fighting the battle against Corona.

I was so touched when she sent me a screenshot of our Whatsapp chat this morning to show what she’s saved my number as. These are things money cannot buy. So blessed that I could serve her and be useful to so many others we well.

TODAY.. after her 7th session with me, a client who had signed up for 10 sessions, decided to STOP taking coaching from me.

“Milind, in the last 6 sessions itself I got what I wanted. I got clarity on my thinking. On what the next steps on my career should be. I’m no longer thinking of 10 things at the same time. I’ve made peace with my job and I know what my future ought to be.”

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You know it reminded me of one thing. As a Life Coach I am happiest when my clients become so powerful, they DON’T NEED ME anymore. Sometimes I coach a client for months or years together.. the client shares secrets with me he/ she doesn’t dare share with anyone else. And gives me permission to say things nobody would dare say to him/ her.

And one day their life starts working so beautifully that they LEAVE ME. I’m almost always heartbroken but the breakup is part of the reward! And in 8 years I’ve had more than 250 heartbreaks!

But I tell every client who leaves me. “Wherever I am, a piece of your heart will always be with me. Wherever I go, you go with me.
And better still, wherever you are, a piece of my heart will always be with you. When you leave, I leave with you.”

(Secrets about my first public workshop that I never revealed to anyone.)

I had booked a banquet hall in Hotel Deccan Plaza, Chennai for 26th April 2009 full day by paying Rs 10000 advance. It was one of the last swipes on my already overloaded credit card. I was already sitting on Rs 25 Lacs of debt – 3 credit cards and multiple personal loans because of bad personal financial management.

I had heavily marketed the workshop for 1 month (Fees Rs 5000 per person) but guess how many participants I got – ZERO!
The day before the workshop I was extremely disappointed and depressed because of my FLOP show right at the beginning of my self employment career.

I didn’t want the hotel advance to go waste so I called up 25 people I knew and offered them the full day workshop for FREE. They happily accepted the offer and the workshop was a SUPERHIT.
The participants generously offered to contribute Rs 250 each so that at least part of my Rs 10000 hotel advance would be covered. (A Big Thank You to all of them!)

It was a HUGE morale booster for me as the participants gave me positive feedback about my abilities as a trainer. I still made a loss of Rs 5500 odd because of the workshop material and all, but the experience I gained was priceless!

Between 2009 and 2011 I successfully conducted this same workshop 10 times with paid participants and a full house each time.
In the second edition of the workshop itself (in Aug 2009) I bumped into a business owner who hired me as a consultant and I made roughly Rs 40 Lacs over 3 years through services I offered him and his group companies. That was my bread and butter for those 3 years and it helped me clear a lot of my ever growing debt.

Meanwhile I tried my hand at lots and lots of things and for every one thing I succeeded at, I FAILED at three!
And then in 2012 I switched to Life Coaching. This too I struggled till June 2014. In June 2014 I did a 6 day Art of Living Course and my coaching practice took off like an ISRO rocket. (Till this day I don’t know what’s the connection!).

The rest is history. ( One Lakh Sixty Two Thousand Minutes of Life Coaching to 262 clients across the planet so far).
All this because I DID NOT GIVE UP and go back to a corporate job when I got Z-E-R-O participants for my first workshop!

From that day I decided.. whether it is your career, or your relationships, or your bank balance or your health or whatever.. COME WHAT MAY.. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Here are some SHOCKING THINGS I learnt about money and banks AFTER I became an adult:

LESSON 1
Central banks cannot run out of money because they are the ones that create the money. And you cannot run out of something you create yourself. And that is why the value of money erodes over time. Because when there is MORE money in the system, it becomes LESS valuable.

For almost a decade I thought a 10% increment is a decent increment. Till I realized that a 10% increment is actually only a 3% increment if inflation is at 7%. So because of the way the banking system works, you’re doing one full year of maghachmaari to STAY IN THE SAME PLACE!
To deal with a recession you have to be financially intelligent. More than ever before!

LESSON 2
As an individual you cannot print money.. but you can CREATE MONEY for yourself from thin air. In 2009, after 15 years of working in various corporate jobs I learnt that the amount of money I CAN MAKE has nothing to do with my education, my designation or my job responsibilities.

I learnt that if I want money, all I need is an IDEA. If I can develop the ability to convert my ideas into money.. I can NEVER run out of money. As an experiment, in 2011, I once bought a 500 rupee book, read the book, mixed the ideas of the book with my own and sold the new set of ideas to people and made Rs 50000. In 2 weeks time. That’s the only way out I could think of to pay the banks to whom I owed money. My ideas have saved me from going to jail so many times I have lost count.

I still do that. Whenever I need more money than I am making, I spend time and money on creating/ developing an idea. That way I am recession-proof.

LESSON 3
The biggest thing I realized is that wealth has nothing to do with how much money I MAKE. It has everything to do with WHAT I DO with the money I make.

I’ve become SMART about money only in the last 5 years. The first 21 years of my career were a financial disaster. Not because I didn’t make enough money – but because I earned LOADS of money (about 2 cr) and SPENT it all !!! I know that’s really stupid but being stupid is the first step in the journey to being wise.

The sad thing is that I see a whole generation of people making the SAME MISTAKES that I made. I hope they progress from stupidity to wisdom faster than I did!

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We played Monopoly a couple of times in the last few weeks. It was fun. And at home, Seema and me make it a point to discuss money and financial intelligence with our children. The intention is that our children don’t make the same money mistakes we made and they don’t develop the same limiting beliefs about money which we grew up with.
We’ve been working with them to help them understand that being rich or middle-class or poor is JUST A MINDSET.

You could have tons of money in the bank and have a poor mentality and suffer. Or you could have no money in the bank and still have a rich mentality and live a very fulfilling life. Or you could be rich AND happy.

It’s all about what’s in your HEAD.. and not about what’s in your BANK.

Photography (and life) have taught me one thing. The beauty of something is not in a subject.. it’s in the lens through which you see the subject. If you want a beautiful world, you just need a change of lens.
And strangely, for humans, how we LISTEN, how we INTERPRET things.. that’s the lens with which WE SEE the world.
P.S. Shot this rose in our balcony. Strictly indoor shoot!

LIFE COACHING is a very serious profession. Every day I deal with people who have productivity challenges, severe relationship problems, major self confidence issues etc etc. After 8 years of being in this profession, coaching day in and day out often drains me out.
To put some life into my sessions I make it a point to lighten up the conversations. Here are some of my favourite interactions from my sessions. And my clients love them! 😃

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1) CLIENT: “I don’t want people to judge me. What do I do?”
ME: “You chose the wrong planet. Next time ask God for a different planet. Yeh planet pe aisaich hota hai.”

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2) CLIENT: “I always think negative. Some people are always thinking positive. I want to be like them.”
ME: “Don’t be crazy. I mean it.. literally. The mind is negative by default. It is wired to think negatively. The so called people who are always thinking positively.. you should admit them into the nearest mental hospital.  THEY are the ones who are abnormal. If you are always thinking negative, you are perfectly normal.”

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3) CLIENT: “You are a Life Coach. In the next few months you will motivate me and inspire me, right?”
ME: “Wrong. In the next few months, I will do an eye transplant surgery on you. Through my coaching you will get a new pair of eyes to see the world.”

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4) CLIENT: “How do I shut the inner voice in my head which troubles me so much?”
ME: “You can’t shut it yourself. But when it does shut down, the Electrocardiogram will go BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP…  Net net.. make peace with your inner voice, let it be, don’t try and shut it down!”

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5) CLIENT: “Milind, I need a kick in my butt. Tell me some ugly truth about myself.”
ME: “Ugly or not, here’s the truth about us all. We’re inauthentic and we’re inauthentic that we’re not inauthentic. We pretend and we pretend that we don’t pretend. We’re always lying and we’re lying that we’re not lying.”

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6) CLIENT: “When will my problems end?”
ME: “Oh! It’s a matter of time. When you’re 6 feet above or 6 feet below the ground.”

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7) CLIENT: “Milind Sir, I want to generate more time. How to do that?”
ME: “Arrey Baba for that we’ll have to get the Earth to rotate more slowly. Thoda mushkil hai.”

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8) CLIENT: “I’m really mad at my mother. I’m 50 years old and a successful CEO of an IT company. Yet she’s always nagging me and fixing me.”
ME: “You’re not 50 years old, you’re more like 5. At least to your mother. To the world, you’re a super successful CEO, to your mom you’re that little boy with a running nose who always forgot his hanky at home. You will never grow up in your mom’s eyes. NOBODY EVER DOES. That’s her way of loving you.  Accept her the way she is. Make peace with her behaviour. Ek hi to Maa hai. When she dies you will miss all this. Plus you stayed 9 months rent free in her womb na. And as you grew up she was the one who washed your bummy. Now it’s payback time my friend. Your love is all you can give her. And that’s all she wants anyway.

THERE ARE 2 FUNDAMENTAL STEPS NEEDED TO GET WHATEVER YOU WANT IN LIFE:

This one is straight from my coaching sessions. I was sitting at the lawns of my apartment complex sometime back watching the moon and it got me into the mood for some power writing!

STEP 1: Best told through the story of American President John F. Kennedy. In 1961, in a now famous speech, JFK made an audacious statement to the American Congress. “By the turn of the decade, we will put man on the moon.” He made what is called in linguistics, a DECLARATION.

After the speech it seems NASA was pretty pissed off with Kennedy. “Sirji, we don’t even have the technology to put a satellite properly in Earth’s orbit, how could you commit to putting one in Moon’s orbit?”

Like Amitabh Bachchan in K3G, JFK was also a baap aadmi.. he replied, “Ab bol diya to bas bol diya. Now that I’ve said it, IT WILL HAPPEN. I don’t need reasons to believe that it will happen. It will happen BECAUSE I-SAID-SO.”

JFK had cracked the first secret of getting whatever you want in life.. YOU HAVE TO DECLARE IT PUBLICLY.

STEP 2: Declarations are not enough. You need to back them up with a RESPECT FOR YOUR WORD.. for your promises. You need to be a person who walks the talk, a person who always does what he/she says. Your commitment towards that has to be right up there. Without that, your declarations are useless.

“Achche din aa rahe hai” is a VERY POWERFUL DECLARATION. It can be a future altering sentence provided it is backed up with a system that walks the talk.
I often ask my clients, “Kya hai tumhare zabaan ki keemat?”

Over 400,000 people at NASA worked on the Apollo project. They had no idea what kind of rockets, engines, landing craft, space suits, underwear to take to the moon. With no Google Maps how do you find your way to the moon? And how on earth (literally!) do you get back home?

But their commitment was the glue which held them together. They didn’t cut corners. They didn’t take shortcuts. And in 1969, less than a decade after JFK’s powerful declaration, the world watched Neil Armstrong take that first giant step.

IN SUMMARY.. like Kennedy you have to get into the habit of DECLARING what you want. And parallely make yourself a person who honours your PROMISES and commitments.
Gandhiji and the other freedom fighters also made public declarations, “We will drive the British out of the country.” Mother Teresa did the same, “I commit my life to helping the homeless and the destitutes.”

YOU can make your own declarations, “I DECLARE that l will get a promotion this year”, “I DECLARE that I will start a new business in the next 6 months,” “I DECLARE I will lose 28 kgs in the next 9 months”, “I DECLARE I will make a trip to Spiti Valley this year” or whatever..
You can get WHATEVER you want in life. Because your WORD creates your WORLD. And that’s why you need to respect your word. And in any case, if you don’t respect your word, who will?

WHAT YOU CAN SEE IN THE PIC:
My friend Tushar happy after participating in his first FULL marathon in Mumbai.

WHAT YOU CANNOT SEE IN THE PIC:
1) He completed the 42km Tata Mumbai Marathon in 6 hours and 22 minutes. (that’s a lot of running!). He told me many people give up after 30 kms.. it requires physical AND mental toughness to go beyond that.

2) Tushar is Captain of an Oil Tanker off the coast of Brazil. He maintained his fitness in the last few months in the gym of the ship. He told me this morning how the treadmill in the ship’s gym had stopped working so he used the gym cycling equipment to keep fit !!

3) Tushar has often told me how stressful his job is. Technically he can go to jail even if one drop of oil leaks into the sea. There is crores of cargo at stake. The work shift is 12 hours and then he has to be on standby in the remaining 12 hours to handle any emergencies.

Most people on the ship, he told me, are too tired to work out after a 12 hour shift. But that didn’t stop him either.  Tushar’s commitment is such an inspiration. This March I’ll turn 50 and I told myself this year I’ll train to become a runner as a special birthday gift. I told myself – I will not allow my work pressure, my work schedule, my lifestyle.. in short my excuses to stop me. Thank you Tushar!

“DON’T BELIEVE ME. I AM NOT TELLING THE TRUTH.”, I told someone this morning.
“Actually I never tell the truth. Simply because I don’t know what the truth is. And that’s why I don’t even claim to know the truth.

All I have is a bunch of opinions. Opinions about you, opinions about my friends, my relatives, about the government.. And it’s okay to have opinions, but opinions are not the truth. Opinions are like dark glasses. They’re cool but you’re not seeing the real thing.

In fact opinions are the lowest form of human knowledge. They require no accountability, no understanding. “He’s a good for nothing friend.”, “She’s an insensitive sister.” I can say just about anything about anybody if I want to. Opinions are cheap.

Empathy is expensive. To discard your opinions and understand what someone else is dealing with takes effort. To shift your focus from a person’s behaviour to understanding the REASON for their behaviour is hard work.

Not everybody wants to do the hard work. It’s easier and more convenient to throw opinions around and insist that your opinions are actually the truth.
Do YOU want to do the hard work? That hard work will shift you from average to great, from ordinary to extraordinary.
If yes, I will coach you. If no, do not waste your money and my time.”

P.S. I say this at least once every day to someone or the other and STILL I sometimes screw up in my personal life. So I understand how difficult it is to practice giving up the habit of having opinions and being sensitive to human beings around you.

And if you have opinions about ME, especially negative ones and you think they’re absolutely true, you’re completely right, I totally understand and I still love you!

As a couple Seema and me are OFF TRACK 90% of the time. The key is that we have a sense of destination. We know what the ‘track’ looks like. And we keep coming back to it time and time again.

It’s like the flight of an airplane. Before the flight takes off, the pilots have a flight plan. They know exactly where they’re going and start off in accordance with their plan.
But during the course of the flight, wind, rain, turbulence, air traffic, human error and other factors act upon that plane. They move it slightly in different directions so that MOST OF THE TIME the flight is not even on the prescribed flight path!

But with a CLEAR VISION of the destination and a GUIDING COMPASS the pilots eventually make sure that the plane arrives at the destination.

Although Seema and me are individually nowhere close to being perfect, the VISION we have and the GUIDING COMPASS we follow (on what’s acceptable and what’s not, what works and what doesn’t), make sure we get back on track as a family..
.. despite being OFF TRACK …90% of the time!

I REALLY DON’T CARE about what’s going to happen in my life in 2020.
But I DO care how TODAY,  is going to turn out. When I hit the bed tonight, I’m going to ask myself:
Did I use my day well?
Was I kind to people who love me?
(Or like Ellen DeGeneres says, was I kind to EVERYONE, including those who don’t love me?)
Did I make a difference to someone’s life today?
Did I thank those who made a difference to my life today?
Did I consciously learn something from whatever I screwed up on today?
Did I become wiser, smarter, better, today?
Did I live well today?
2020 is still far, far, FAR away.. the question is.. was I really alive TODAY?

THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS is having great relationships, says the world’s longest study on happiness. For over 80 years, Harvard Medical School has been studying the happiness of a group of people in the hope that the study would reveal clues to leading healthy and happy lives.

The study revealed that CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS, more than money or fame are what keep people happy throughout their lives. People who keep warm relationships live longer and happier and the loners often died earlier, the study reveals. “Loneliness kills.. it’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism”, say the researchers.

“The surprising finding is that how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too.”

You can read more details about the Harvard study HERE.

We spent most of today in intense discussion. That discussion involved emotion, upset, hurt and regret. More importantly that discussion involved clarification of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. It involved authentic expression of our present met and unmet needs.

Twelve hours after we started the fight/ argument/communication we wound up agreeing to disagree and we resolved to unconditionally accept each other. We also expressed fully our love for each other and our commitment to strengthen our marriage. At the end of the day we both felt lighter and happier.

And that’s how we spent our 21st wedding anniversary. We now start year number 22 tomorrow with no past baggage. ❤

In the last 2 years or so I’ve been on a rampage of self-expression.. online and offline. Most of the four decades before that I’ve mostly been a very shy and timid person, so in that context this is a huge breakthrough.

Here are 5 TIPS that I’ve put down to help anyone express themselves better.

1) It is in people’s nature to judge others. Not expressing yourself IN THE FEAR that people will judge you is absurd. Your job is to express yourself and their job is to judge and that’s that! Their judgement is just their judgement.. you are perfect in your self-expression despite their judgement.

2) Focus on expressing, not on impressing. Trying to impress others puts pressure on ourselves. Express like there’s no audience. Be free. Like when a bird sings, it just sings. It doesn’t sing to impress anybody. It sings because it has a song.

3) Do not worry about what you are saying is right or wrong. There is NO such thing as right and wrong. That’s merely a matter of perspective. What you are expressing is merely a view.. not the truth. As long as you are clear about that, you can say whatever you want to say.

4) Be clear, focussed and intentional in your communication. Don’t beat around the bush. Life is short, my friend. Say it point blank. Shoot between the eyes. Come to the point and just say what it is.

5) There is a beautiful old saying, “When ALL the good things have been said and ALL the bad things have been said and ALL the ugly things have been said, all that will be left to say is I LOVE YOU.” Express your love fully, authentically and unapologetically. Love is created in the moment of speaking. When you love people, for God’s sake, TELL THEM, don’t keep them guessing. Expressing love is the highest form of self-expression. If you can freely express LOVE, you can freely express ANYTHING.

In a nutshell.. I live my life like a child. I know the gift of self-expression is the most beautiful gift I have as a human being. And I’m going to use this gift fully, so that when I die, I DIE EMPTY.

Just in case you didn’t know, I HAVE THREE WIVES.
One you see on the top (the one I HAD).
One you see in the bottom pic (my PRESENT one).
And there’s one you’re yet to see (the one I discover every morning.)
Sssshhh.. she’s yet to wake up!

I LOVE all three of them.
I don’t judge which one is better.
Or which one suits me better.
Or which one is more
C-O-N-V-E-N-I-E-N-T for me to deal with.

The earlier one was perfect the way she was.
The future one will be perfect the way she will be.
And the present one is perfect too. The way she is. And the way she is not.

And she is perfect not because
THERE IS SOME REAL THING
IN THIS WORLD CALLED PERFECT!
She is perfect because I SAY she is perfect.

By the way she has three husbands too!
And ALL of them are as paagal as can be.
She thinks the one she HAD was really paagal.
Because I’ve done a lot of things in my life, most humans wouldn’t even imagine of doing.

But she has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA
how paagal the future one is going to be!
When she wakes up today maybe she will get a hint!
Please wish her all the best. She will need it!
P.S. So will I. 😲

All I had to do was fly to Delhi, then take an overnight train to Shimla (switch from broad gauge to narrow gauge in between), then drive from Shimla to a tiny village called Lhalung in Himachal located at an altitude of 4000 meters (imagine 6 Lonavlas of 624m altitude on top of each other). Lhalung’s population is less than the population of “A” Wing of the society where I live!

Getting from Shimla to Lhalung is also very easy. The distance is only 450km but you have to keep driving for 4 days for approx 8 to 10 hours each day, taking overnight stops at Kalpa (3000m), Nako (3500m) and Kaza (3800m). If you cover the distance too fast your body may not get acclimatized to the low oxygen levels and you could get headaches, giddiness or you could go into a coma.

Night driving is avoidable because out of the 38 odd hours it took us to reach Lhalung from Shimla, for 37.5 hours there was a DEEP valley on one side of the road. Plus it’s a one way kaccha road meant for two way traffic, so if you stumble upon a vehicle coming from the other side, first you have to pray to a God you really believe in.

When I finally got down to shooting the night sky at Lhalung it was mind-blowing. The Milky Way is visible with your naked eyes. IT IS MASSIVE! It was a sureshot way to put my bloated ego into place. I realized how tiny I am compared to this GIANT Universe. I also realized how petty, crummy and silly my life’s problems are.

At 4000m altitude it is so cold you need to have TWO pairs of gloves (inner and outer) to protect your hands. With gloves on, you can’t handle the camera and without gloves for an extended period in that extreme cold, the risk is not much.. at most you will have frost bites, and if they are bad the doc will have to cut off your fingers.

I was getting blurred images initially and I am grateful that my friend Manish Patankar taught me how to focus the camera to the nearest visible star which is ONLY 4.2 light years away.

Once I got that right, and I had gotten over all my WTF moments, I just had to follow the 500 divided by focal length rule and set the exposure to 20 sec. Then ONE CLICK and I captured the Milky Way. So easy na?

All this while my family and friends kept watching shooting stars and GPS satellites .. WITH THEIR NAKED EYES. Sheer Bliss!
(This was part of my trip to Spiti Valley in the Himalayas)

A lot of nice people came into my life. I learnt how to be like them. A lot of weird people came into my life. I learnt how to love them anyway.
Short tempered people gave me practice on how to be calm.
Angry people made me realize that I must be empathetic and understanding.
When I learn lessons it’s great. When I refuse to learn lessons, life gives me a kick in the backside.
I’ve realized that people come into our lives in all shapes and sizes. They are ALL our teachers. They come into our lives BECAUSE we need to learn some lessons. Nobody walks into our lives by accident.
I tell myself every morning: All of life is nothing but a school. And as long as I am breathing, class is in session. When I celebrate Teacher’s Day, I am really celebrating Life.
Thank You to all the teachers who came into my life and gave me valuable life lessons. And by that I mean I thank I EVERY HUMAN BEING who ever came into my life!
MJ is now ready for more and bigger lessons!

“THIS IS NOT A JAIL.. it’s a juvenile observation home”, I was told before I walked into it today to conduct a group coaching session for the inmates of Pune’s Juvenile Home at Yerawada which houses 40 odd under-trial/ convicted youngsters between 16 and 18 years of age.

To be honest I was QUITE NERVOUS when I walked in after having heard that typically the inmates here face charges for petty offences (pick pocketing and thefts) as well as serious ones (murder and attempt to murder).

Despite some minor violence which I witnessed firsthand in the hall while I conducted the session, my nervousness gave way to compassion and empathy.

There was a mix of positive and negative energy in the room and I quickly realized that I had the task of inspiring, motivating and empowering them as well as healing and calming them down.

I have no idea how effective my session was, but it was heartening to see some of the youngsters come to me and ask me “Thank you Sir, tumhi parat kadhi yenar ithe?” (When will you come back here?)

I also had some amusing moments with them asking me questions like, “Why are you so fat?”, “Show me your phone/ what you have in your bag” and “Sir, take care of your wallet, one of us might steal it!”

C4U the NGO that organized this, as well as several other NGOs such as Pankh, Muskaan, Hope for Children, Prison Ministry India’s Pune chapter and others routinely conduct rehab programmes for these youngsters.

It is my dream to coach prison inmates at Yerawada Central Jail in Pune and do whatever I can to transform their lives but to be honest my own fear and nervousness have stopped me from doing that. And that has reduced a lot today.

It was really a privilege to touch the lives of these lost but wonderful souls. It was easily the most fulfilling thing I have done this year!

1) COMFORT ZONE: Life is not working but you feel too resigned to do anything about it.

2) FEAR ZONE: You WANT to do something different but you worry about what people will say if you fail. You justify to yourself why it is better to stay where you are. You keep yourself stuck because being stuck is a convenient place to be. But you also complain about being stuck!

3) LEARNING ZONE: You develop courage. You master that little voice in your head which tries to plant doubts. You stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for life not working. You start taking ACTION.

4) GROWTH ZONE: You become like a child again. Adventurous. Curious. Fully self-expressed. ALIVE. You ‘JUST DO IT’. You screw up a lot. You become stronger, wiser, better. You become UNSTOPPABLE.

Life is a journey where we have to travel through all 4 zones, sooner or later. Which zone are you in right now?

The biggest lesson I have learnt in my life is: “Authenticity is EVERYTHING.”

If I want to feel powerful, I should be authentic.
If I want to be successful, I should be authentic.
If I want love, I should be authentic.

I have learnt it the hard way that when I feel powerless, when I fail continuously, when I stop receiving love from people, the ONLY thing responsible is MY OWN INAUTHENTICITY.

In plain simple English, it means, “If I am fake, I am screwed! And if my life is screwed up, I need to ask MYSELF – In what way am I being fake?”
I really like this Sadhguru quote because it reminds me how LITTLE I know about life.

I am a Life Coach, but I AM NOT A GURU. I am not dead sure about anything. I’m not even sure if I am intelligent or if I am an idiot.
I’d rather keep wondering about it. That’s the way I love it!

The Date: 7-7-7. Apollo Hospital, Chennai.

My wife’s gynec comes out of the Operation Theatre and tells me, “I’ve got Good news and Bad news for you!”
“Good news is, you’re now the father of a baby girl.”
“Bad news is, you already had one Cancerian in the house, now you have ONE MORE! All the best, Milind!”

Maybe she was joking! But she sounded serious.
11 years later I’m still trying to figure out how having two Cancerians in the house (or even one) can mean bad news. The way I see it, we MAKE UP STORIES IN OUR HEAD about how people are. Oh, she’s a Cancerian so she must be moody and she’ll give you a hard time. Or, he’s a North Indian so he must be aggressive. And so on.

We generalize. We make assumptions. We make up interpretations. We assign meanings. We are Master story tellers. WE MAKE UP OUR WHOLE WORLD! And then we get upset. WOW!

When I get caught in my own web of stories, I PINCH myself. I tell myself, “MJ, DROP the story. People are not demons and people are not saints. They are just people. And Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus. Everyone is from Earth! Including Cancerians.
DEAL WITH THAT!”

Whatever you are resisting – unwanted people, unwanted communication from people, unwanted habits, unwanted health conditions, unwanted career situation, unwanted financial situation.. STOP RESISTING IT. The more you resist it, the more it will persist in your life. You will keep getting more of it in your life.

On the other hand, when you ACCEPT whatever you are resisting, I mean when you accept it … when you completely, unconditionally, whole-heartedly accept it, all your unwanted stuff will just DISAPPEAR from your life.

“You want any help?” My wife asked me a few minutes back as I was getting ready for the day.
“No.” I replied.
“You want a BIG hug?”, I asked her.
“OF COURSE, YES”, she replied.

And that’s so typical of how our day begins. And how it ends. And typical of the rest of the day in between.

Here’s a HOT TIP: GO HUG someone this morning. Make their day. Make hugging people a way of life. In the stressful times that we live in, it’s the most beautiful gift you can give to another human being. And to yourself.

P.S. Credit for the BIG HUGS in my family goes to The Teletubbies show.

Spent the morning cleaning and polishing a trophy my mom had got in 1985. It was for the MEGHDOOT AWARD – instituted by the Department of Posts for Honesty and Integrity in service.

My mother was the first woman postal employee in India to get this award. In the early 60s she was one of the first 4 women in India to join the Postal service (It was considered unsafe for women to work for the Postal service at that time because of the occasional night shifts).

When I reflect on her career and her life’s achievements, I not only feel proud, it strengthens my resolve to make a difference and serve people, the way she did throughout her career.

For me my mom and her award are a symbol of the effort women put in to balance family life, work life and personal life – an effort for which there are no trophies, no recognition and in the case of housewives, no pay.

“Milind, It’s a VERY DEPRESSING ENVIRONMENT here. It’s minus 14 degrees, everything’s covered with snow and there’s not a human being in sight on the roads.”

This 28 year old Ivy League MBA student I’m coaching lives on the US East Coast and she was feeling really low when I started my weekly coaching call yesterday.

ME: “Send me a picture. I want to see what something depressing looks like.”
She sent me the picture (the one in the post).

ME: “Smriti (name changed), yes I can see a lot of snow. But I don’t see a signboard which says ‘DEPRESSING ENVIRONMENT HERE’. That signboard isn’t OUT THERE. It’s IN YOUR MIND. You see what I mean?”
What was true for her is true for all of us. We say things like ‘stressful job’, ‘depressing family situation’, ‘difficult life conditions’ etc. The reality is that there is A job, A family situation, A set of life conditions. The labels we give are NOT REAL, they are simply a reflection of what’s going on IN OUR MINDS.

The moment we realize that, we move from feeling helpless to feeling ‘If I work on my mind, my world can change. How ‘snowy’ or ‘stormy’ my environment is, won’t matter then.”

For the last 6 months I’ve been coaching a young businessman who goes scuba diving with sharks every year. He has no fear of sharks because he knows sharks don’t like to eat people (and that’s simply because they don’t like the way we taste!) Studies show they respond strongly to the smell of seals and fish, but not humans.

A LESSON here: Fear is a function of knowledge. Or the lack of it! When we don’t have enough knowledge all we rely on is the voice in our head. And we believe it to be true. That voice in the head is nothing but chatter… noise.. GIBBERISH!

ACTION POINT: Next time you feel fear,
1) Ask yourself, “What do I NOT KNOW that I can find out?”
2) Tell yourself, “This fear is not real. It’s just a CHATTER in my head. It’s just my brain talking to me as it tries to understand the world around me.”

DISCLAIMER: This post is not meant to motivate you to go jump into the ocean and swim with sharks. If you still choose to do that without researching shark behaviour and out of sheer curiosity (or your fishy movements), a shark comes and nibbles at your legs (which it seems they love doing) THEN I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE OUTCOME.. 😂😂😂

Often I am asked in coaching, “What is a guaranteed way to avoid failure in life?”

Here are some examples:
Don’t want a failure in a relationship? Don’t get into a relationship, stay single.
Don’t want a failure in business? Don’t get into business, stick to your job.
THE ONLY WAY to avoid failure in life is to stay where you are and avoid committing to anything new.

BUT THEN, that’s a RI-DI-CU-LOUS way of living life, isn’t it?
When you are creating the possibility of success, you are AUTO-MATI-CALLY creating the possibility of failure. Whenever you try anything new, it is INEVITABLE that life WILL throw a stumbling block in your path. And when that happens, you have to embrace the obstacle, deal with it in the best possible way you know and move on.

Life comes with NO GUARANTEES. Chasing a goal, however small or big, is R-I-S-K-Y business! RISK is an INSEPARABLE part of living. Like Clint Eastwood famously said, “If you want a guarantee, go buy a toaster!”

“Is the glass half empty or half full?” is the proverbial phrase to indicate that a particular situation could be a cause for optimism (half full) or pessimism (half empty).

There’s a THIRD WAY you could look at it. You could look at the glass as “half empty AS AN OPPORTUNITY” as opposed to the old way of “half empty AS A PROBLEM”.

So suppose you say, “I don’t like my job and I’m not getting another one.”
.. the pessimist in you will say “You’re in a soup!”
.. the optimist in you will say “Count your blessings.. at least you have a job! There are millions who don’t.”

YOU could look at the same situation and say, “What opportunity does this present to me? What is MISSING here that I can address?” (which puts you in the driver’s seat and propels you into action).

MORAL OF THE STORY: Stop wondering whether the glass is half-empty or half-full and START FILLING IT!

A few months back thanks to my daughter’s insistence we got home a small fish called Fighter and put him in a small fish bowl. Last month I thought Fighter must be getting bored alone in his small bowl so I got him two friends (small fish called Rainbow fish).

Then the bowl seemed too small for the three so I upgraded their home to a small tank. The three started having so much fun in the tank that I got a bigger tank (the one you see in the picture) and got the trio four more tank mates. One of them turned out to be a bully and Fighter got so stressed, he died. I was heartbroken.

But the remaining fish enjoyed their new home and with all the food I was feeding them the tank walls started getting coated with algae. So I got a fish called Sucker (the big black fish you’ll see in the picture – breed name Plecostomus). Sucker is a super-cute, super-friendly fish who feeds on algae and in the process he ends up cleaning the algae from the walls of the tank. (He’s the in-house janitor; he cleans the walls, the tank bed, the decorative plants, everything… and that’s a real cool deal because he cost me only 50 rupees and the time he saves me is priceless.)

But now there is a risk of Sucker starving to death if there isn’t enough algae in the tank for him to feed on. So now I have to get something called Algae Wafers to supplement his diet!

You see whether we’re dealing with fish or we’re dealing with our own daily lives, THE SOLUTION TO ANY PROBLEM ALWAYS LEADS TO A NEW PROBLEM! Think about it. Every problem you have today was once a solution to some other problem. Nature has weird ways of keeping us busy!

During a brutal study at Harvard in the 1950s, Dr. Curt Richter placed rats in a pool of water to test how long they could tread water. On average they’d give up and sink after 15 minutes.

But right before they gave up due to exhaustion, the researchers would pluck them out, dry them off, let them rest for a few minutes – and put them back in for a second round.

In this second try – how long do you think they lasted?
Remember – they had just swam until failure only a few short minutes ago…

How long do you think?
Another 15 minutes?
10 minutes?
5 minutes?
No!
60 hours!

That’s not an error.
That’s right! 60 hours of swimming.
The conclusion drawn was that since the rats BELIEVED that they would eventually be rescued, they could push their bodies way past what they previously thought possible.

I will leave you with this thought:
If hope can cause exhausted rats to swim for that long, what could a belief in yourself and your abilities, do for you? What if you had faith that this is a friendly Universe and whatever your situation, the Universe would protect you? What would then be possible for you?

Just to clear my head and to remind myself how I am choosing to live my life, I’m going to write 10 life fundas and as soon as I finish I’m going to hit the POST button:

1) I am on this planet to learn lessons. Every person in my life is a teacher, especially those I find difficult to deal with. I am not a victim of life, I am a student of life. If I want people to be the way I want them to be, I should have chosen a different planet.

2) When somebody does something ‘wrong’ to me, it is not my job to teach them a lesson. That job I leave to the Universe. I have better things to do in life.

3) In any case, what I consider ‘wrong’ is actually ‘right’ for someone else. I can keep debating on who’s right and who’s wrong till the cows come home but still not manage to convince the other person. So I give up boxing up everything as right or wrong. It’s just a smarter way of living life.

4) Considering ‘happiness’ to be a goal is the most ridiculous thing I can do in life. I am already happy. I went to bed last night and woke up in one piece this morning, alive and kicking and that’s a damn good reason to be happy.

5) I am not Superman and I don’t care about being one. I screw up a lot. And I learn every time I screw up. The ability to screw up is what makes me human.

6) Because I am not Superman, I’m not going to pretend to be one in the eyes of others. At the same time I’m not going to run myself down. I am cool with whoever and whatever I am.

7) After 50 monsoons on this planet I have learnt that there is nothing more important in life than relationships. God sent us all here to learn to love each other… especially the idiots we don’t like. Once I graduate from this love lesson in this life, I’ll probably be born as a dog in my next life, coz dogs don’t need the love lesson, they have mastered it already (that’s probably why stray dogs lick me so much).

8)I will do what I say and I will only say what I intend to do. Even when I have amnesia.

9) I did not come from God, I came from my parents. My parents are my source, and my source of power. And they are as imperfect as me. And I chose to get born from them, so I’m not going to blame them for anything.

10) None of what I’ve written here is TRUE or RIGHT. I mean, how does it matter anyway. All that matters is that my life works the way I want it to work.

Have a great week folks!

As I was going through my files just now I stumbled upon this set of 9 affirmations my wife Seema had put together for me about a decade back when I was DOWN IN THE DUMPS and perhaps at my lowest phase in life. (Many of the affirmations are from various Louise Hay books she has read.)

These affirmations played a key role in me bouncing back. Sharing them with you now:
• Everything is working out for my highest good
• Out of this situation only good will come
• I am safe, protected and guided by divine powers
• I make choices that are beneficial for me
• I believe – Miracle follows Miracle in my life. I accept miraculous occurrences in my life and in my world.
• I am open to receiving with Gratitude and Joy the lavish abundance and prosperity of this friendly Universe.
• I trust the process of life to bring me my highest good. I deserve the best and I accept it now.
• All is well in my world.
• Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Just finished a coaching call with a young businesswoman. She asked me “How do I let go of worrying about what people will say if my newest restaurant fails? Is there an affirmation that will help me with this?”

I’m a highly intuitive coach, so out came out of my mouth, “Screw what people will think. Just give your best and then detach from the outcome. If you love yourself adequately enough, you won’t need others to validate you all the time.

The only affirmation you need is ‘I love myself.’ Even better if you say ‘I AM IN LOVE WITH MYSELF’ or ‘I am head over heels in love with myself’, or ‘I am the best thing that ever happened to me!”

Do good to others, people will remember it.
(Although in the real world people don’t always come back later and acknowledge the good we did for them.. but that doesn’t mean that they don’t remember it.)

Thanks to my profession I have the privilege of seeing what kind of AWESOMENESS human beings are capable of bringing into their lives.
But the two amazing people who inspire me the most are my mom and my wife. Everytime I see them together, I become present to how these two ended 16 years of ‘typical saas-bahu’ conflict and created a fairy-tale relationship between themselves! What they accomplished strengthens my conviction that RELATIONSHIP TRANSFORMATION IS REALLLLLLY POSSIBLE.

Here’s the simple formula for transforming your relationships..
1) Become aware of how your LISTENING virtually shapes the person you are listening to, in your mind. There is no reality ‘out there’. The so-called-reality gets shaped in the space between your ears. 😀
2) Give up the old way of listening. Give up “I know him/her.. he/she is like this only.”
3) Give up labelling everything as right/wrong. When we die God is not going to give us a report card showing how ‘right’ we were anyway. In short, give up your right to be right.
4) Get into the other person’s shoes. Get the other person’s world. When you do this, MAGIC HAPPENS!
5) Most importantly.. be a catalyst of relationship transformation. Be the one who takes the first step. Don’t WAIT for the other person to change first. Be a writer of your life’s script. If you WAIT, you’re not a writer, YOU’RE A WAITER!

One imperfect woman + One imperfect man, each of whom have unconditionally taken 100% responsibility for marital harmony
= One perfect marriage 💘.

Here’s some life advice from the ancient Greeks:

Instead of simply having one concept of love, the ancient Greeks believed there were SIX DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE, all equally important:

EROS, the fiery, passionate love you feel toward a lover;
PHILIA, the platonic love between friends and family;
LUDUS, the playfulness found among new lovers and children;
PRAGMA, the deep understanding between partners that grows over time;
AGAPE, the selfless, charitable love for our fellow humans; and
PHILAUTIA, the love of the self.

Rather than relying on ONE partner to satisfy all these needs, the ancient Greeks believed each role could be played by DIFFERENT people in your life. This allowed them to spread their emotional needs across a wide range of people, making it easier for them to find happiness in love.

I so often notice when I coach people that we do the opposite (i.e. expect a handful of people in our life to satisfy ALL our love needs).. and that often leads to disappointment.

SMART TIP OF THE DAY (courtesy the ancient Greeks): There are more than 7 billion people on this planet.. each of whom is a source of love! 💙💛❤️
Love is all around us. We just need to go out and SEEK it. “I don’t feel loved enough” shouldn’t exist in our vocabulary..
P.S. If your love needs are still unmet, go get yourself a pet!

I’ve been coaching this young lady who (like most of us) has been dealing with countless problems.

Last week she went on a week-long trip to Ladakh and in this morning’s coaching call she told me, “Sir, after the trip all my problems have disappeared. I now realize that ALL I NEED is Oxygen and Food. Now I understand what you always tell me, “A problem is a problem only because WE call it a problem..”

And I said to myself, “Life is the best Life Coach!”

Why say this?

Because you are not your strengths. And you are not your weaknesses. What you did and what you had or have doesn’t define you either.
If you say you’re stuck, you are. If you say you’re just OK, you surely are. And if you say you’re finished, you most definitely are.

You see you are whatever you SAY you are. You might as well say YOU ARE AWESOME. Don’t question whether you are that or are not. You become whatever you say you are in the MOMENT of your speaking. Your word has a magical power. We all know we should be really careful and conscious of what we say. Well, now you know why.

There was a point in time when I always used to envy some of my illustrious IIM Bangalore batchmates. 26 years after graduating, many of them are country heads, CEOs and Managing Directors of multi-million dollar companies in India and abroad. They jet set around the world, stay in 5-star hotels and some of them earn more in a month than what I earn in a year.

Till one of them (who I coached) told me.. “Milind.. you are self-employed; you get to choose what you want to work on, when you want to work, from where you want to work, how much you want to work, with whom you want to work.. and YOU get to decide your annual increment. I will give up everything I have to get to the place you are in.”
(To which I told him.. “I did.”)

Now it’s great to be a highly paid CEO and it’s great to be an independent professional.. and we all want to grow and change… and all that’s fine… but it’s beyond me why human beings have this crazy idea about life (me included).. Being THERE is always better than being HERE!

“Whoever has, will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”
You have to admit that when you read the passage it appears unjust, as it seems to be saying that the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.

But there’s a riddle to be solved in this passage, a mystery to uncover, and when you know it a new world will have opened up for you. The answer to the mystery that has eluded so many for centuries is in one hidden word: GRATITUDE.
“Whoever has GRATITUDE will be given more, and he or she will have an abundance. Whoever does not have GRATITUDE, even what he or she has will be taken from him or her.”
From Chapter 1 of the book : THE MAGIC by Rhonda Byrne.

————————————
About 10 years ago when I first read this book and starting practising its principles, I did it not because I believed in it but because my coach Ashraf introduced me to it and I believed in HIM.
10 years later, now that I look back, practicing an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE has given me what I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams.

What am I grateful for?
My wonderful family and loving relatives/friends who care for me. My clients and my profession. My ever supportive body – a brain that works (mostly) and a heart that functions like a miracle. And of course, a house (that I don’t own), a 20 year old car, blah blah.. the list is so long, I could write a book on it.

Thank you Ashraf!

If you too have said Thank You to someone today you have uttered the most powerful prayer in the Universe!

And thank you my friend for reading till the end of such a long post

So my daughter’s coach (an Australian lady who’s 77) told my daughter (who is 13).. “Tell your parents why you love them..”
My daughter began.. “I love them because…”
“No no.. tell THEM why you love them.. don’t tell ME.”
————————————
Lesson 1: LOVE is a function of communication. Most of us make the mistake of thinking that our actions are good enough to tell people how much we love them.
Love is created IN THE MOMENT OF SPEAKING. You have to explicitly use the words “I love you” or “Love you” to let people in your life know that you love them. (My wife Seema and me do this exchange MULTIPLE times a day.. and it’s been 18 years now.)
Unfortunately we live in a society where we are conditioned to use the ILU words only in a romantic context. Which is why we
struggle to say those words to our bosses, our friends and even our parents. (We can blame Bollywood for that).
And we hide behind “Just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean that I don’t love so and so…”
————————————
Lesson 2: Don’t say I love you when you don’t mean it. Love means UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Unconditional means 100%.. not 99.9999% !
That is why “I love you BUT…” doesn’t work..
Neither does “I love you BECAUSE….”
When you love someone, you don’t need reasons to love them.. you just love them. That way you can love just your mother or your wife or half of humanity.
Lesson 1 I learnt from our daughter’s coach.
Lesson 2 I learnt from our daughter. You know why? Because after her coach corrected her, our daughter looked at my wife and me and said..
“I love you BECAUSE I love you.”
(Not because you buy me Barbie dolls and take me to the mall and stuff like that).
————————————
A last note: Fear and Love are the two most primary human
emotions.
If you are afraid.. say “I am afraid.” Don’t be shy to admit.
And if you love someone.. say “I love you.” Don’t be shy to admit that either.
You know what.. in my humble opinion.. the world could do with more of love and less of fear. And more love will happen only when more people express it more often.

One of the biggest side-effects of traditional educational systems is that they train your brain to categorize everything into right and wrong territory.

Well the real world doesn’t work like that. Nothing is black and white… there are a zillion shades of grey in between. What makes perfect sense for someone else might look dumb or ridiculous to you (and vice-versa).

You want to transform your relationship with your husband or wife or boss? Or mend a broken relationship with an old friend or relative? TAKE UP THE RESPONSIBILITY of seeing the world from their point of view and act accordingly.

And then see things change. They will. They have to.

If only you knew how beautiful you really are, you wouldn’t even think of competing with those next to you.

Even your imperfections are part of your beauty. In fact your imperfections make you unique. Why would you even want to be like someone else?

You may want to work on yourself and that’s ok. You may want to finish the unfinished painting that you are. But that’s no reason to feel unloved and unworthy of being loved.

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.  So should you. Because you are you.

Have a great week ahead!

..and today also you will say tomorrow. And tomorrow also you will say tomorrow. And before you realize it December will come and then you will say I’ll start on 1st Jan.

If you don’t want to do something, tell yourself .. “I don’t want to do it.. and I’m willing to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions (or inaction).” When you speak the truth, when you are authentic with yourself, you’ll feel powerful.

Saying “I’ll do it tomorrow” is you lying to yourself.
Don’t do that.

One of the single biggest problems of human beings is that we predict the future on the basis of the past. It’s the ultimate illusion!

Life is NOT like an arithmetic progression! Things won’t happen in the future simply because they happened in the past. Whatever happens in our present and in our future is a function of OUR CHOICES in the present and the future.

Life will alter dramatically when we believe that WE are the source of life and when we believe that WE CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN TODAY.. irrespective of what happened yesterday and last week and last year!

I have a framed version of this poster in my house.. I’ve had it for many years.
Don’t miss the bottom of the poster, which says ‘Taking risks takes practice.’ I agree. I have taken SO MANY risks in my life, especially big ones, I’ve lost count.

Obviously not all risks work out. With some I had spectacular failures. With some I had mind-blowing successes.
But one thing I can tell you.. I NEVER REGRET taking risks.. never did, never will. Because NOT taking risks, is THE BIGGEST risk of them all. If God didn’t want me to take risks, he would have given me the life of a mosquito. (And even mosquitoes risk their lives when they try to bite me! )

Remember.. when you do something that scares you, strangely it makes you feel more confident.

JUST IN CASE this message is still undelivered to you:

1) You are good enough. In fact you are AWESOME!
2) Screw your weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and you’ll go a far far way in life.
3) People around you not just need you, they’re dependent on you, so what if they don’t express it.
4) You’re so much better off today than you were 10 years ago!
5) You’ve survived EVERY damn problem you faced in your life. Haven’t you? So chill na!
6) You’re loved by many more people and much more than you think. High time you loved yourself as much.
7) Good morning and have a great week ahead!

If you think you’re not doing well financially, look at this:

A Govt driver in INDIA earning Rs 25000 per month is in the Top 5.55% of the WORLD’s population ranked by income!

See other figures:
– Engineer: Rs 50000 per month: Top 0.86%
– School principal: Rs 75000 per month: Top 0.29%
– Private sector doctor: Rs 100000 per month: Top 0.13%
– Senior private sector professional: Rs 150000 per month: Top 0.08%

And let’s say you’re earning a meagre Rs 12000 per month, you’ll still be in the Top 17.87% with (according to my calculations) more than 5,749,100,000,000 people WORLDWIDE poorer than you. Cool no?

MORAL OF THE STORY: Count your blessings and stop complaining about your financial position.
P.S. If you want to know where YOU stand in the list of world citizens ranked by income, go to http://www.globalrichlist.com.

Real power does not come from money. Or fame. Or popularity.

You experience real power when you can say what you want to say and do what you want to do. Real power comes when you are unstoppable in the face of fear. And when you give up worrying about what people will think about what you say or what you do. Real power comes when you give up looking good in front of people and be completely free in your actions and your self- expression.

Real power is not a function of the size of your biceps or the fancy designation on your visiting card or the number of digits in your bank balance. Real power is a function of what goes on in your head.

One of my clients was on a vacation to Switzerland with his wife and while driving across the country they stumbled into a small town called Saanen. The Saanen airstrip, the railway station and the surroundings seemed way too familiar and it’s wasn’t long before he discovered that these were the locations at which many of the scenes of the movie Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge were shot. (The St Mauritius church in Saanen is where the church scene was shot and the airstrip features in the Mere Khwabon Mein song, where SRK is running alongside an aircraft that’s taking off.)

He remembered having seen the movie in 1994; it was the first Hindi movie he had seen. At that time he had never stepped out of his hometown – Calicut, Kerala and every beautiful location in the movie had mesmerized him so much that he had promised himself that some day when he’d get married he would take his wife to the bridge where the famous ‘palat’ scene happens. And that iconic bridge is right next to the Saanen railway station!

Unlike many tourists who go looking for these locations, our man had bumped into them by ‘accident’. I have no doubt that this wasn’t an accident.. it was the images from the movie that he had held sub-consciously for so long that it was inevitable that he had to pass through Saanen (and that too because he lost his way and took the mountainous route instead of the highway.)

Like the Law of Gravity and every other universal law, the Law of Attraction works. Whether you believe in it, or not!

Today I complete ONE HUNDRED MONTHS of no salary.

On this emotional day I thank all the people who helped me financially and emotionally to ride out all those months when I was struggling and when my income was either NIL or less than what I needed to pay my bills. These include my mom, sister, mother-in-law, father-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, my generous-minded landlord in Chennai and some close friends.

I also thank my wonderful wife Seema who at one point in time sold off all her jewellery to generate cash just to run the house for a few months. She has a heart of gold. She says I am her greatest piece of jewellery.

Today I coach people across 5 continents, in 9 different time zones. I have coachees in 20+ International cities and 15+ Indian cities. I do all my coaching on the phone and my smartphone is my office. (Thank you Samsung!)

A BIG thank you to all my clients who trusted me to serve them and paid me 100% advance without even seeing my face!

To all those who helped me in the last ONE HUNDRED MONTHS… this success is as much yours as it is mine. I am LIVING my dream. For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If any of you wants to leave your job and start on your own… first pray for a spouse and a set of relatives/ friends who will NEVER give up on you.
I do that every day.

They say.. DON’T GIVE UP! DON’T GIVE UP!

I say “GIVE UP TODAY!”
1) Give up your “CHALTA HAI” attitude
2) Give up your right to be RIGHT
3) Give up your right to REACT
4) Give up your need to LOOK GOOD and impress others
5) Give up your deep need to COMPLAIN
6) Give up your RESISTANCE to change
7) Give up living in a world of REASONS and excuses

In the pic.. you probably see a Before-After Rubik’s cube. What I see is the journey of a client I’ve been coaching for the last 5 months.

This young client used to take 30 odd minutes to solve the cube a few months back. Now he does it in less than 25 SECONDS. He used to score 500 odd in his GMAT mock tests; now he touches a score of 720.

He is yet another proof to me that when you are committed, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. He is every coach’s dream client.. HIGHLY COACH-ABLE and open to change.

Like I told him when I spoke to him yesterday, it’s really not about the timing or the score (or the gold medals or the bank balances). It’s about who he WAS then and who he IS today.

The journey is less about the goal and more about the person you BECOME in the process of achieving that goal! It’s about the character you develop and how you grow as a person even as you work towards your goal.

He is now close to his dream target of 750 score in GMAT (that will put him in the TOP 2 percentile of participants) and the main exam is just 30 days from now. I wish him all the best!

There is a story about a man phoning Dr. Schuller…
The man said, “It’s over. I’m finished. All my money has gone. I’VE LOST EVERYTHING.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still see?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still see.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still walk?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still walk.”
Schuller said, “Obviously you can still hear or you wouldn’t have phoned me.”
“Yes, I can still hear.”
“Well,” Schuller said, “I figure you have got about EVERYTHING LEFT. All you have lost is your money!”
——————
MY COACHING NOTES:
As a Life Coach, I come across hundreds of people every year who fear losing their jobs, who fear failure in business, in relationships etc.. who feel terribly insecure in life.
I share with them.. and I’m sharing with you… the feeling of security doesn’t come from outside.. it comes from within. Security comes from your ability to create value.. to be of service to people on this planet.
And if you have your two eyes and your two hands and your two legs and your one brain.. you have all you need to feel secure!

You only live once?
False. You live everyday.
You only die once.
MAKE EACH DAY COUNT

I’ve been thinking all day today why I follow my heart much more than I use my head.. came up with two reasons:

1) I remembered what I had read it 2002.. that we have THREE brains. One in the head, one in the heart and one in the gut region. Neurological research has proven that the second and third are way more powerful than the first.

2) Whenever I’m confused about whether to follow my heart or use my head, I toss a coin. I don’t have to wait for the coin to fall back in my hand to take a decision. Because in the brief moment that the coin is in the air, my head shuts up but my heart starts praying.. and that tells me what outcome I’m REALLY hoping for.

My heart ALWAYS wins.

We all have a GABBAR SINGH in our life, who in reality is not as bad and menacing as he looks. It’s just that we’ve never seen the other side of him. The GABBAR we have in our life is perhaps playing just a role.. he is there to teach us “Jo dar gaya, samjho mar gaya.”

Each of us also has a THAKUR in our life, whose past, whose world, whose other side we don’t know.. because we never bothered to find out. How sad.

And of course each of us has a JAI or a VEERU in our life, who we deeply love and who will leave us one day.. for good. And that’s a lesson for us to value our friends and the people we love while they are still alive. Go tell the people you love that you love them before their GABBAR fires on them. Life happens in one continuous take; THERE-ARE-NO-RETAKES.

The only difference between REEL-LIFE Sholay and REAL-LIFE Sholay is that in the second version we are the actors, we are the script-writers and we are the directors and producers.

And so often we forget all that and we live our life as if life is “happening” to us and we are simply the audience!

I had this interesting conversation with my one of my coachees.. She’s self-employed and wanted to increase her own client base and was asking me the secret to my successful coaching practice. Here’s what I told her..

Me: “Whether you are employed or self-employed, the secret is to GIVE more than what you get paid for.”
Coachee: “That sounds like a losing proposition.”
Me: “Exactly why most people don’t do it.. and you should. It will set you apart from your competitors.”
Coachee: “Where did you learn this business secret?”
Me: “In a book called The Go-Giver. It’s a small book. You can finish reading it in one day. In fact I learnt more business secrets in one day of reading this book than I learnt in my 2 years of MBA at IIM Bangalore in 1992.”
Coachee: “Hey that book is listed on your website as a book you recommend reading. ( https://www.milindjadhav.com/go-giver/)
Why are you giving away your business and coaching secrets away freely on your website? If people get your secrets for free why will they sign up with you for coaching? And won’t your competitors overtake you?”
Me: “In reality, the opposite is happening!”
“Don’t you get it?”, I told her,”the secret to success is to GIVE away the secrets to success!”

Watched Cars 3 yesterday – here’s the central message I got:
“Don’t worry about winning or losing. Worry about not having that chance..”
So true: Very often in life we just sit in the stands and judge the game. Which does neither us nor the scoreboard any good.
You want to experience ALIVENESS? When you get a chance, GRAB IT, get out there on the court and give it your best shot! You win, you lose – it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you dared.. that you took that risk.
Surely you don’t want a sign on your grave: “Died with potential intact..” Do you?
Coach’s recommendation: MUST SEE

Super inspiring poster: “MAKE MISTAKES.. Penicillin was discovered by accident. Don’t be afraid to experiment.”

No wonder a wise man once said.. “A mistake is simply another way of doing things.”

I made tons of mistakes all my life and it’s never too late to make some more. I made a huge mistake last week and now that I’ve recovered from that one, I’m ready to make the next big one!

Time to experiment !!!!!!!! Zindagi…. here I come.

VOGUE MAGAZINE interviewed me recently to get tips to help people work from home efficiently. I listed down 17 tips – all of them coming from my own experience of working from home for 11 years now (since 1st March 2009). They published 8 of these tips in their article, but here’s the whole list:

1. Mark out a space at home to work from and keep it organized. Remember mess creates stress. (Tennis icon Andre Agassi wouldn’t let anyone touch his tennis bag because if it got disorganized, he’d get distracted.)
2. Check email in the afternoon so you protect the peak energy hours of your mornings for your best work.
3. Lock yourself in the room you’re working in so that you’re not distracted by other family members. If that doesn’t work, find yourself a co-working space close to your home where you can work from.
4. The biggest problem of working from home is the lack of routine and accountability. Create your own strict daily routine (what time you wake up, what time you start work, what time you exercise and what time you will relax). Commit to this routine and get a family member to hold you accountable to your routine.
5. Start your day early. The biggest advantage of working from home is that commuting time is ZERO! You can wake up at 5am and start working at 5:30am when the rest of the world is still sleeping. Use this to your advantage.
6. Being at home will give you a lot of flexibility to do a lot of things for other people. Don’t say yes to every request. Don’t be available for everybody just because you’re working from home. It just stems from a deep need to look good in others’ eyes. Saying no more often will keep you more productive.
7.  Be a contrarian. Buy your groceries in the afternoons when the store is not busy. Go to the movies in the mornings. Hit the gym when it’s less crowded. Do things at off-peak hours and you’ll save so much time. As a work from home professional you can afford to do all this – a typical office goer can’t.
8. Use Todo lists and Calendars to record all your tasks. When you work from home you don’t have a boss, so you have to create your own structures to hold yourself accountable. Under any circumstances do not let tasks hover on your mind. When things are off your mind and captured into a system that you trust, that’s the beginning of stress-free productivity.
9. Stop waiting for perfect conditions to launch a great project. Immediate action fuels a positive feedback loop that drives even more action.
10. Give up multi-tasking. Research has proved that that’s the slowest way of getting things done.
11. Use your flexible work schedule to take fitness breaks. Go for a 5 pm walk. It will not only do good to your health, it will clear your head so that you can come back and continue working with renewed energy.
12. Take a 20 minute power nap. This is again something most office goers can’t afford to do. A quick nap will renew your energy and virtually split your day into two.
13. Work in 90 minute blocks with 10 minute intervals to recover and refuel.
14. Drink more water. When you’re dehydrated, you’ll have far less energy. And get less done.
15. Find ways to keep you away from distractions. Give away your smartphone to a family member when working on an important project. Or install apps that prevent you from accessing social media sites.
16. Keep a track of how you’re spending your time at home. Be mindful of this and record the number of hours you’re actually working (and wasting).
17. Get yourself a coach or a mentor to whom you can report your progress week on week, at least initially till such time you get into a certain rhythm.

A TV anchor once asked Martina Navratilova, “How do you maintain your focus and manage to keep playing, even at the age of 43 ?”  Her suave response was, “The ball doesn’t know how old I am. Besides, for 90% of the match I don’t have to focus”.

In a typical tennis match, the players spend less than 15% of their time hitting the ball. During a round of golf, golfers spend less than 20% of their round swinging a golf club, and in American football, the ball is actually in play for only 6% of the game.

In his excellent book, Stillpower, Sports Psychologist Garret Kramer says that a key factor to performing well in sports (and in life), is your ability to control the quality and quantity of your ‘internal dialogue’ i.e. YOUR LITTLE VOICE.

Always remember:
Performance = Potential – Internal Interference

In other words, you need to stop yourself from stopping yourself. Sports, business, and indeed, life are played on a 6-inch course.. the space between our ears!

Whatever you are resisting – unwanted people, unwanted communication from people, unwanted habits, unwanted health conditions, an unwanted career situation, an unwanted financial situation.. STOP RESISTING IT. The more you resist it, the more it will persist in your life. You will keep getting more of it in your life.

On the other hand, when you ACCEPT whatever you are resisting, I mean when you completely, unconditionally, whole-heartedly accept it, all your unwanted stuff will just DISAPPEAR from your life.

That’s how life works!

On 1st March 2019  I completed TEN YEARS of Self-Employment and freedom from the corporate world.  Here are TEN tips if you want to break free (and stay free) from the Golden Cage someday:

1) “Someday” will NEVER come on its own. “Someday” is created by you saying.. “That’s it. I’m done with this 9 to 9 routine. I am ready to start now. And I’m ready because I SAY I am ready.”
Continue reading 10 tips to help you break free from the Golden Cage →

To quit or not to quit. That is not only the question, it is often the ultimate question!

There are times when we feel enough is enough and we feel a huge urge to quit our jobs. And we don’t because we aren’t quite sure if that’s the right thing to do. Often we go through this dilemma over and over again. In May 2015, a person I eventually coached, called me to tell me that he felt like quitting every Monday morning!

Here are a few points to ponder upon  whenever you go through this dilemma:
Continue reading To quit or not to quit? →