In my previous post “How to be responsible. Even when you’re not accountable.”, I shared with you what a gift responsibility can be. A gift for ourselves.

In this post we will see how we can use this gift to feel more in control and generate power for ourselves.

So responsibility really works at three simple levels:

Level 1: I accept my share of responsibility
We see this level typically in marriages. Each partner has their share of responsibility. The share is usually 50%.
There are some unsaid, unwritten rules here..
“You do your bit. I’ll do mine.”
“You be nice to me. I’ll be nice to you.”
“I can’t make this relationship work without your support. Both of us need to take equal responsibility to make that happen.”

There is really nothing wrong in taking responsibility at Level 1. 50-50 is a fair share.
The problem starts when either one partner takes less responsibility than the other. Suddenly life doesn’t seem so fair anymore. The typical response is “This is just not done. I’m doing so much and look at you..”

And of course we have our ways to restore the balance. We protest, fight, resent each other and eventually calm down and talk it over. The storm dies down and some day in the future, when the balance is off, a new storm starts brewing. And life goes on.

Level 2: I accept more than my share of responsibility.
Better still, I accept the ENTIRE responsibility.
Why would anyone do that, you might ask. Well, why not?
Like we discussed in the last post, responsibility is to be taken, not burdened upon. Responsibility by its own definition is a choice. It’s something we do because we feel like, even when we don’t have to. If we HAVE TO do something, that’s not a responsibility, it’s a duty.

There’s no limit to how much responsibility you can take upon yourself.
Taking responsibility is an act that makes you feel good, helps you feel in charge and in control.
Taking MORE responsibility gives you MORE of those feelings.
When you say “I take FULL responsibility for the harmony in my married life.”, you essentially give up your right to complain about the marriage. And you will agree, complaints by their very nature, drain us of life.

You are then essentially saying “I will never have anything to complain about in my marriage, because I have no expectations from my partner. Because I have no expectations, there is no scope for any disappointments. The only expectations I have, are of myself. And that’s good because I have control over myself. It’s difficult, almost impossible to get my partner to change, but although it’s difficult, it’s very much possible to get myself to change. I will do what it takes to keep this marriage happy. Even if at times it will seem like I’m the only one trying to do that. That’s okay by me.”

Whether it is a married relationship or a live-in one, a boss-team member relationship or one between two business partners, taking more responsibility than you need to is always a good thing. It’s good because it’s good FOR YOU.
For the relationship, it’s not just good, it’s GREAT!

Level 3 : I accept responsibility not just for my immediate relationships, but also for the society as a whole.
Once you’ve mastered Level 2 and made it a way of life, Level 3 will come naturally to you. So what happens when you take responsibility at this level?

You stop blaming the local municipality for the dug up roads.
You stop complaining about nasty neighbours.
You stop whining about your job, about your company, about the economy.

More importantly, you start taking initiative and DO something about it. You get involved in support groups and community causes. Talking about causes, you get to a state where you are at the CAUSE of everything. You shift from BECAUSE to BE-CAUSE. You start believing that YOU are at the source of whatever is happening around you and to you.

Because there is no one and nothing to complain about, you generate massive energy and leverage that energy to create massive possibilities. You become RESPONSE-ABLE in the true sense, that is you develop the ability to create a powerful response to whatever challenge you face in life. You become UNSTOPPABLE!

So what level of responsibility do you want to play the game of life on? The way I see it, any level is okay, as long as you are aware of what you are choosing and what you can potentially choose later!

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